How Long Should A Person Wait To Date After Their Spouse Dies?
Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
My sister recently lost her husband of 45 years and was thinking of starting to talk to men online just two weeks after his death. Prior to that, they were happily married (according to her own account and everyone who knew them). This seems way, way too fast to me. What is your opinion?
― Concerned Sister
Dear Concerned Sister:
Even if your sister were unhappily married for 45 years, attempting to date (or even flirt with other men) just two weeks after the death of her husband is, well, how else to put it… crazy!
I don’t mean to imply your sister is crazy; rather, the notion is crazy. Please encourage her to abandon it.
Your sister is in a painful place, understandably. There are many online support groups for people who have lost a spouse. Just search the words “support group, death, (name of her city)” online and you will find some. There are even some Jewish bereavement groups that meet in person in major cities like Los Angeles. Your sister needs love, support, nurture and an attentive ear; not a date.
If she won’t listen to you or others around her in this regard, my only hope is that the men she contacts will have the good sense to not respond (romantically speaking). Any person dealing with relationship loss, whether through divorce or death, should not even think about dating for at least a year.
Please send your sister my blessings.
― The Matchmaker Rabbi
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