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Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

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In this day and age, sex runs rampant throughout pop culture. There are TV shows (Sex and the City was a personal favorite), songs, and plenty of movies that go into far more detail than I care to.

When it comes to looking for a serious, committed relationship online, however, sex and your online dating profile should not mix. Consider the two like oil and water, pickles and ice cream, toothpaste and orange juice…you get the idea. In its most innocuous form, people imply sex in countless profiles that mention touching and cuddling by the fire.  But while cuddling by the fire may sound lovely, your profile is meant for you to talk about your hobbies, your personality and what you’re looking for in a partner. Who doesn’t like to cuddle? All that line does is take up extra space on the page when you could be using that prime real estate to win someone over. And I don’t know about you, but I personally wouldn’t want someone I don’t know creating a visual of me cuddling on the couch in my cozy PJs and slippers. Creepy!

Of course there is also the other extreme: explicitly mentioning sex in your profile.  Unless you’re looking for a predominantly physical relationship (which some people are), this is an easy way to turn someone off.

Below are some real, unedited examples (taken from multiple online dating sites) of profiles where the “sex talk” is simply self-defeating:

  1. “I like fishing and travel and sex.”  (This was the first line of a guy’s profile!)
  2. “I recently ended a faithful, 12-year marriage because I was unhappy with the intimacy and sex.”
  3. “To be clear, uninhibited intimacy means I want a woman who enjoys cuddling up, flirting, talking dirty, and giggling in the arms of a man. I want a woman who simply loves having sex with a man. I want a woman who enjoys receiving oral sex…”  (It went downhill from here. I spared your eyes – trust me.)
  4. “I think it is important for the sake of compatibility, so I am leading with this: as it turns out, I prefer to be somewhat dominant in the bedroom. So yeah. There it is. I just wrote that, just put it right out there lol.”
  5. “I am looking for someone who is as ambitious as I am, and has strong morals and family values. Someone who shares the same goals in life as I do. Oh yeah, and the sex has to be great too!”
  6. “Simple down to earth, compassionate, confident, romantic and loves to see ladies in nicely fitted tight/painted on jeans look.” (A more subtle, yet still pretty graphic, way of doing it.)

Sex is an intimate thing to be shared between two consenting adults, not an entire online community. So try to leave the “sex talk” in your mind and off your profile. It’s not until you know someone well enough that you should invite him or her to hear your thoughts.  To draw the right kind of attention, feel free to review these profile-writing tips.

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people navigate the world of online dating. Her services include: writing unique profiles to get you noticed, helping to choose your best profile pictures, writing one-of-a-kind emails to get someone’s attention, and planning dates. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter for updates and tips.
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3 Comments »

  • terry says:

    yes i need help i just 70 and it seams that happen it is hard to get date if i put 55-57 the coumputer puts me with the72-75 they don,t take ofthere selfs because they have ther grand childen so i beentrying to 55-57 my wife was 66 and she took care ofher self until she got cancer 3and half years a go i get turn down alot help====terrp

  • JDS says:

    What a load of poo. I think men and women may fundamentally disagree on this one, though (obviously, with some exceptions).

    Is this about online dating? Or online communities? Because dating is about sex. Anyone who thinks otherwise is either naive or a prude.

    sexual compatibility can beak or make a relationship as easily as anything else. maybe more than anything else. Why wouldn’t someone using a dating site want to filter out that incompatibility right off the bat?

    Put your sexual preferences in your profile! This isn’t a resume hosting, job finding site, . It is a dating site. for finding sexual partners. Duh!

  • Shlomo says:

    Agreed! Great post :)

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