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Can Money Equal Love?

Submitted by 43 Comments

The recent engagement of George Soros, 84, to yoga-instructor Tamiko Bolton, 40, must arouse strong sentiments in women close to George’s age. These sentiments range from “Oi, what a deluded old fart” to “Oi, what a pathetic old fart.” I come down somewhere in the middle.

I don’t condemn George for his decision to marry this girl less than half his age, although seeing them sitting together, hand in hand, with her eyes on him like he’s the living embodiment of a Trojan, and I mean that in all its senses, is puzzling.

I see what he sees in her. Firm, muscular, taut (and that’s just her bicep). She is every old fart’s dream of a squeeze, and she is also supposedly intelligent and accomplished. Compared to Howard Marshall II, who at age 83 married Anna Nicole Smith when she was just 26, George dates close to his own age. Then there are the Saudi princes who, at age 90, marry teen girls while their original wives are busy changing diapers—their own.

The puzzle in all these December-May unions isn’t the guy: Most old men would like to get their freckled hands on a firm young beauty. I may not personally get it (what do they talk about?), but for many men, shtupping a lass is a simple, natural goal, like taking a hot shower or spitting out sunflower-seed husks.

No, for me the puzzle is the woman. What on earth is she doing? For the young Saudi girls, the answer is simple: avoiding death, but for a woman like Tamiko Bolton, seriously? What goes on when she beds & weds a guy forty years older whose hands look like a spotted frog; neck hangs like a chicken waddle; and…we won’t say anything about that part but believe me, there are folds.

This may all be attractive to me because I’ve gotten far-sighted, but to a 40-year-old? Honestly, what do you see in him? I’m sure Tamiko would not answer, “I see bottles of 1978 Montrachet, Corum watches, Phyllis Morris beds, Swarovski crystal, Frank Mulder yachts and the 1430 diamonds in my new pen!” No, she would probably answer with, “I love the guy, I love his wit, his humor, his energy and his vitality, and I find him handsome and besides, age is just a number!” Tell that to my arthritis, but okay, I believe you. You love the guy.

Can money equal love? All these young women who marry wealthy men, are they really in love with them? And in order to fall in love, do they forego that upon which their eyes delight, their senses thrill and their tummy goes melty—the sensations upon which the man insists?

I don’t know the answer but I’m pretty sure of this: When George and Tamiko stand at the altar and exchange vows, he must believe that she loves him for himself and not his money, or he might actually decide to do something honest and real, like date a woman his own age in whose wrinkled, spotted hand his own would look truly romantic.

Diana Amsterdam is a published and produced playwright, screenwriter, writer-for-hire, and consultant to writers and writing careers. She is the mother of two brilliant sons and five exceptional grandchildren.
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43 Comments »

  • Mandy says:

    Spot on again, Diana. The puzzle is the woman! And you have illustrated it to perfection.

  • Ada says:

    i am a 59 yr old woman, widow,and have always found older men sexy. however, even now as I look to find an older man, i can’t. yes, I will update my photo, especially after next week. It saddens me to find that even the older men which are older than myself, don’t seem interested in me and I personally don’t believe that for my age I look bad.
    Perhaps, it’s not true love that these men are searching for as they say, it is infact a body?

  • Aaron says:

    > Hi Diana,
    >
    > It was enjoyable to read your article addressing the
    > questions, “can money equal love;” “Still Hot, Why Not;”
    > “A Girl Over 50 Tries to Find Love.”
    >
    > And, the questions as to what is an appropriate relationship
    > of age between a man and a woman.
    >
    > An interesting line of question is can we allow ourselves
    > and others to be happy? Today is the only day we have.
    > Life may end at any moment. So, if we share happiness
    > with someone today, perhaps this is wise to do. It is
    > certainly better than adding to the unhappiness in life.
    >
    > Ideally, I would have liked to marry my childhood girlfriend,
    > and live happily ever after. My uncle’s wife, my aunt D
    > passed away after 60 years of marriage. What does he focus
    > on now? The many happy years of joy and happiness they
    > shared, or the misery that she is gone from this life?
    >
    > My parents were 10 years apart in age. My mother passed away
    > at 52, making my father single again at age 62. And, he planned
    > to be married for life because they were in love.
    >
    > Paul McCartney lost his life long partner Linda to Cancer. He remarried
    > and it did not work out. Now her has married someone better
    > suited to him. He is wise to not give up and to pursue happiness.
    >
    > All of us grow older and must eventually face death, Not really
    > a happy prospect. So, wanting to remain youthful and lively
    > is only natural. And youth often represents health.
    >
    > Now, I agree with you that generally people around our own age
    > often share a common life experience of the times we lived through.
    > And, that would make sense for compatibility.
    >
    > Hopefully, we are all eternal souls and will live again beyond this life.
    > So, then if two adult people find companionship and intellectual
    > stimulation together, where do you draw the line on age difference?
    >
    > Some people at 50 are old and others are still young and full of life.
    > From a practical standpoint, someone closer to your own age
    > makes for good logic. But presuming to know what is best for all
    > others is tough, as people are not all thinking the same way.
    >
    > Before my father passed on at age 86, he used to say:
    >
    > “Age is a matter of the mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
    >
    > We all are mortal and imperfect. But if we can create happiness
    > within ourself, it is good to share that with others.
    >
    > May G_d reveal to us wisdom.
    >
    > ;-)
    >
    > Aaron

  • JASON FOX says:

    I NEED SAME LOVEING GIRL

  • Flint says:

    Skipping the shallowness of the tacky question, money is a tool and nothing else. It can be used for good, but it in itself can not equal love any more than a hammer can.

  • scott says:

    God bless her if she wants to lay next to that every night, god bless her.Hes no dummy! the man worked hard all his life . I’m sure married for love a few times, but when you have it why not have a live in.I just hope he hangs in long enough so that my daughter can prefprom he hert surgury.

  • Wendy Panken says:

    I’m glad you brought about this issue. Women’s youth and bodies are commodities like any other in the market place and the highest bidder gets the best of them – the more beautiful and brillant a woman is – and let’s not forget these young women have good minds along with their amazing biceps, legs, etc. – the more wealthy the bidder. Let’s never forget – these young women are not mindless bimbos – and if they use their status and prestige for the good of us all – all power to them.

  • moshe says:

    Wow I really don’t care about this issue on the level most others do. I think marriage is ridiculous becuae most people aren’t honest enough with themselves to make it last anyway. Relationship must first be about matching what you want with what you actually go after. Knowing ones true desires is much more than just wanting to get married to someone who has money or a stable job. I think there must be a healthy bit of
    lust involved for any relationship to work unless sex is not of interest to either party. There must be something about one’s partner one is enamoured with other wise that marriage will be forever

    unstable

  • Lana says:

    I thinks that some men do not understand the definition of Financial security.
    First, let’s look at what financial security is not.
    Financial security isn’t making or having a certain amount of money. There are many people who have made millions of dollars who are not financially secure. Stories about musicians, superstar athletes and multi-million-dollar lottery winners who end up in bankruptcy court are so common that they’ve become a cliché. If someone makes $500,000 a year, but spends $600,000, are they financially secure? Of course not.
    Financial security also isn’t limited to being independently wealthy, having servants bring you martinis by the pool, and flying your private jet to Monaco to party with heiresses, super-models, and rock stars. If that’s what you want, then go for it, but this is a very narrow definition of financial security.
    I prefer a broader definition, one that puts financial security within the reach of anybody with a desire to improve their financial situation, and a little bit of discipline. Financial security is being debt-free, controlling our expenses, increasing our savings every month, and doing what we love can lead to happy, fulfilling, and prosperous lives for us all.
    I want to add that I have certain life style and interests that I can support and my partner has to have the same life style and interests. Money is not equal love ,however if people have different interests and understanding of financial goals they could not enjoy each other and their life together.

  • IReallyDo KnowItAll says:

    There are two reasons men try and earn as much money as they can. First, to take care of his kids. Second, to get beautiful women into bed. A guy can be completely happy with a simple apartment, a few amenities, a couple of shirts, pants, and shoes, and a TV.

    But since his true goal is to bed every beautiful women he sees, he’s willing to work hard, make money, and hope that gets him at least some beautiful women.

  • Chelsea H says:

    Oh, for goodness sake, the article is meant to be funny! That there is such a strong reaction to it means it’s hit a nerve with a lot of people. We can never truly know what motivates others in their choices, but I’ll bet a lot of us have done a double take when we see very old men with much younger women (or vice versa, although we rarely see that, which may be the point).

  • Judith says:

    I am a long-standing friend of Diana’s. She is a fantastic, award-winning writer who tells the truth as she sees it. She is a loving person with a vast intelligence. She is a friend, a lover, a mate, a mother, a grandmother and honest. She remains best of friends with her ex and the father of her two grown sons who hold her in admiration. She is a gentle woman. She is a nurse. She is a warrior. Read again what she wrote, and don’t just react, think.

  • Paula says:

    Mike,

    “Oi, what a deluded old fart””————
    Is what everyone who reads this psycho babel says about you!

    You obviously have never met Diana. She’s smart, sexy, and vibrant. Go to sleep and dream about having someone like her in your world, you old fart.

  • My articles attract the most readers in JDate’s history, and get the most comments, and I’m very pleased to see all the controversy, discussion, fireworks, and thought they evoke, and provoke. In the guise of humor and a little irony, I am trying to raise some questions that mean something to people, and obviously, I’m succeeding! Those of you who feel the need to attack: Get a nice rubber ball that you can squeeze when your innate hostility gets overwhelming. @Proofreader 101, you say “her name is Tamiko” and that’s what my article says, Tamiko. I love proofreaders, though, and hope you’ll keep looking with your proofreader eye.

  • Eshttwan says:

    Well, if any of you have been dating recently, you would be familiar that almost most women,- almost all, prefer someone that has his finances in order.
    No woman want to marrie a ” Joe the plumber ” , waiter, taxi driver, crew on a ship , etc. type but all of them are looking for a some kind of highly educated or secure, etc.
    The search for a highly educated men is a covert issue for a potential rich man. Or sugar dady.
    By percentage, there are very small number of women who would say no to George Soros marriage proposal,- he is going to die before you say ” sleeper sofa” anyway.

    Raising such questions as this is as obsolete as a wrist watch,- since we all swithed back to pocket watch / cellphone.

    Of course, almost no women would admit publicly as that is not a fit talk,- to marrie / search for a welthy man however old or young he is.

    ps: the Viagra and other blue pills were invented for male porn stars and for rich old man.

    pps: I just hope I did not hurt anyone’s surface feelings.

  • nasser joseph alkhatib says:

    what happened to all of you !

    its LOVE

    the fact that one has money so what

    maybe she finds his mind amazing , after all not everyman is a

    millionaire or billionaire !

    The man is above average

    I have read in your posts , and they are all negative !

    why can’t a woman and a man just want one another

    some woman love wrinkly older men and want to learn what ever they can

    for they have so much more to offer than a younger man

    old people have a wealth of knowledge of all sorts of experiences and

    history that might be fueling the womans need to stimulate her brain

    i hope they do well with each other and all that have commented

    obviously need to find love yourselves,cause you all forgotten what it

    feels like

    she is in her 40s she isn’t 18 silly people

    Myself i love smart woman thats why i search woman that are the same

    as I am

    i love JDate woman

    i just want to find one that fits me oh and by the way i am wealthy too

    46 MALE i like girls in their 30s

    adultgalaxyinc@yahoo.com

    send me some pics if i interest you

    live laugh love

    Master Joseph

  • Mark says:

    m ost of the women in th 30 to 50 age group in cape town south africa do think that money does buy love. they first look at the material picture before the real picture.

    mark

  • Steve says:

    I say they are both in love. He loves her and she loves his money.

  • Michelle says:

    age is not the most important thing most important thing is that you respect 1 another love 1 another and that you are moving in the same direction.

  • Lou says:

    I feel that you have to have a good understanding of money throughout your life.This is something I’m still working on. My thoughts on the question at hand,Is ? When the day comes an I’m standing in front of GOD He will ask what’s in my heart not what’s in my bankbook.

    I thank you for asking this question today.

    Sincerely,

    Lou

  • Thoughtful... says:

    I studied demography at school and one topic of discussion was the “marriage market”. That is, who is out looking and what the numbers, by age, represent. Although about 106 boy are born for every 100 girls, boys have a higher death rate so that by age 18-20, the numbers are about equal. Makes sense it would seem. But as we age, men still have a higher death rate than women. Over time the marriage market is, by its very nature, unfair to women, as there are many more women looking than men than men for women. And then you take out the guys that are not even considering looking and those no woman would consider, and the numbers get worse.

    So it would seem that the market at older ages would very much favor the men. More available women than men, and as we get older, this becomes even more so.

    If it is true that older men select younger women, and I think they do, it is not because the supply of women their own age is poor.

    I think there are a few things going on here. First is how men think about and respond to the female body. I started looking at girls in by late teens, and looking doesn’t do my response justice. Fascination, lust, the unknown, the anxiety… and at the height of my testosterone production. I believe that I fixated on the girls, this time that I spent so much effort thinking about them, just in the way chicks fixate on the the first creature that spends time with them, be it their mother, some other hen or a human. And we know that this is a powerful force, hard to break once it is established. So now, when I think about, or respond to the way a woman looks, the ideal image that comes up is the one I established so long ago.

    I unhappily attempted to discuss this with a mixed group one day. The women in the room did not want the men to act on such a biological urge, but to master it. So much so that a few did not want the men to look, or even want to look at younger women. A powerful force and unwelcome for some of the women in the room.

    That is my first thought. The second has to do with the time that we are together and what we are doing during that time. I see many May-December couples joined by a lot of time spent together, either working, doing volunteer work and, it would seem in Soros’ case, in a long-term health/physical relationship.

    So if couples drift apart, spend less time together talking, sharing thoughts, working on common problems, either one of the couple might find someone to fill in the void, and men are always “looking”.

    This is what I see around me, but I live in an intellectual community and have no idea about what goes on in bars. Might be different in different communities, but the results the same.

    And there is a third force going on. The unfairness of this, reasonably makes older women unhappy, mad and pissed off. And if they express their anger they probably pay for it. Why would a man want to spend time with an angry woman?

    Solutions? Not many. Over time, men and women can discuss the above and perhaps sensitize the men. It won’t change everything, but there will be no change if the conversations never take place.

  • Ben says:

    Does anyone REALLY think this is a normal relationship? That said, these are two adults getting what they want.

  • alex says:

    Money rules the world. Sad but true. most jewish girls are like that.
    They want the husband to have a phd and financial security.that is why i prefer italian and spanish girls. They just want to be treated right. I don’t think a person who is richy rich can make people laugh. Are there any born rich comedians.i think not

  • John says:

    Seriously you are just another envious old woman who is projecting her own insecurities. Otherwise, why not just hold your tongue? If two people want to enjoy their own delusions and it does not hurt anyone else, then just mind your own business.

    This article in NO way adds any value to anyone as “expert advice”. Who proclaimed you an expert? at what, at writing rants about men?

  • Charles Merson says:

    I find the mere mention of George Soros, on this website revolting. One who in interviews (60 minutes), revels in the time he apprenticed in expropriating property from his fellow Jews in Hungary should neither be mentioned or brought up on this forum. Please find a better example to use in this context, than a thoroughly despicable excuse for a human being.

  • Irvin Leibowitz says:

    No; It helps,Just is not everything in life.

  • I Reallydoknow Itall says:

    Thank Goodness money can buy love, or like, or even just a beautiful woman’s body lying next to yours. Maybe women don’t get it, but there is nothing more beautiful than an attractive, young woman. Your man may not be willing to tell you this (but trust me, he is thinking this all the time), but having a beautiful, young woman’s body next to yours is exquisite. The feel, the touch…and just gazing on the body.

    While many of us may end up staying with a woman of many years for reasons of obligation, or like, or even love and devotion, don’t for a minute delude yourself into thinking that every doesn’t wish for another opportunity to be with a young, beautiful, woman.

  • Dave says:

    I remember lines from a song by Little Feat:

    I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor
    Been in love a couple of times before
    If I had to choose between the two
    I’d take both rich and in love, I ain’t no fool.

  • Schadenfreudian says:

    @Proofreader101: Sadly, thanks. I regret generalizing and accusing “women” for the persistent disapproving-judgment tone of the article; that attitude resides within the author of the rambling screed on thinly-veiled envy.

    That being said, I suppose there’s not much of a standard at JDate or Match.com when it comes to bestowing the label “expert” on any particular writer. For the most part, “experts” here (with the exception of Mrs. D, imo) clearly convey their neuroses and fears with an uncanny inability for consistent hypocrisy.

  • karla says:

    I love to experience what life has to offer. That means people, places, food, art — there is so much out there in the world. Everyone who knows me knows that I am easy-going and I laugh very easily. And I laugh a lot. I’m a creative person I am also by profession someone who is committed to doing some good, however small, in the world. I would like to share life with someone who feels similarly, that life should be lived but also that we are here to share what we have, and to help people in whatever ways we can. If I can help someone else live life as fully as I believe it should be lived then I think I will have done well. I have a good work ethic but I also I work hard at surrounding myself with good people. I enjoy and value the people in my life, my friends, my coworkers, and I’m very loyal. I am looking for someone who is also loyal and values people for what is unique about them. I love to discover what is unique in each person I get to know. I love to hang out with my friends and do as much as I can. My work is really important to me but I travel as much as I can. I am SO thankful that I have been able to have the travel experiences that I have had. I have put myself through school (graduate school) and I understand the importance of working hard toward something you believe in. I would like to find someone who shares these values, who like to laugh, and who can really enjoy life.

  • Mike says:

    “Oi, what a deluded old fart””————

    Is what everyone who reads this psycho babel says about you!

  • Proofreader101 says:

    Her name is “Tamiko” and Schadenfreudian above seems to have summed it up.

  • curtiss says:

    no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not at all.

  • HLO says:

    She is marrying him for money and all the accoutrements that go along with it, financial security, lavish lifestyle, easy access to cash to fund her interests and goals, etc. I give it slightly more than a year and she will walk away with millions. Best investment she will ever make for herself. What I would like to know is what ‘technique’ she used to snag him. She must be able to fake it better than any academy award winning actress. As for him, he’s just a rich old fool who can well afford whatever fantasies thrill him. The way things are now, I can only wish I had the same opportunities. But even here in the land of opportunity for all…its only a dream for me

  • Schadenfreudian says:

    What does it matter what other people–men–do with their money, hearts and time? What is it that women find so disturbing about one single man, albeit incredibly wealthy, deciding to pursue betrothal to one single woman? What fear, threat or dream-shattering does Mr. Soros’ love interest stir in other women? How would you like it if, with every younger man you dated, came clucking tongues and tired, Puritanical aphorisms?

    Someone mentioned borderline ageism; I think it’s worse. Your reaction is one reminiscent of one of the deadly sins: envy.

  • Linda says:

    I see going for money or going for a hottie equally sad.
    …~*~….

  • Patricia says:

    Money can’t buy love but I guess it sure could help pass the time!

  • fc says:

    Financially responsible doesn’t mean wealthy. It can mean that the guy, or the woman, has enough income that they can survive without borrowing from the partner, the children, or the pawn shop. Plenty of people cannot pay the rent unless they have a partner, and not eveyone feels that that is an adequate basis for sharing a future. I’ve had quite a few feelers from men to move in with them, and while I simpathize, I’m not willing to risk my future on such a venture. Of course, if I had nothing to lose, perhaps I would feel differently.

  • Dave says:

    Delusion and self-delusion are as old as marriage and money. Having more money buys you more self-delusion, among other things. Or not.

    Marriage is first and foremost an economic transaction (not in the the pure sense of money but rather the measure of decision making for which amounts of money proxies for assignments of valuation).

    Men as smart and shrewd as Soros probably don’t delude themselves as much as make a zero-sum trade. As an economist might say, he has more utility for a youthful, attractive companion than for, say, half his fortune.

    But that’s why there are pre-nups.

  • Idubious says:

    A 40-year-old on JDate could actually be 60.

  • Doronel says:

    I don’t know if this article is entirely fair…

    Borderline ageist.

    …Minus the “Borderline”.

    If you hear George Soros speak, you will realise that he is a VERY smart cookie with the gift-of-the-gab.

    Those lucky enough to get to his age will probably not look anywhere near as good as he does. He is a charming guy, very funny, etc…

    While I don’t think that the local handsome-but-broke prankster who reaches his 80′s would be able to pull off a stunt like this, I do think there HAS to be something more-than-money in Tamika’s decision to marry George.

    Anyway, youngish lady, I fail to see the expertise in this article, or any content which I can vaguely apply as “advice”.

  • Jesse says:

    1) I’m no stranger to four letter words.

    2) They are a part of my working vocabulary.

    3) Nevertheless, your deciding to use old fart
    over and over again, I find more than disappointing.

    Surely , with your putative skills as a playwright, screenwriter,
    etc. you can express yourself without resorting to crude
    language which simply does not advance your theme.

    Writer for hire? Oh, please, not in this millennium!

  • Haim says:

    Do you know how many women, especially Jewish ones list in their profile, “financially secure?” If a man has been responsible taken care of his family the divorce system usually impoverishes him.
    Therefore he is ‘not a good match..”
    Let’s face it, most women are for sale, the only question is the price.

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