Are there any other countries you and/or he could live in and feel more accepted? I think the US is more strict now about immigration but what about Canada or Australia or New Zealand? I think i’ve heard of people who wanted to immigrate moving there.

I know and understand why he would lie. Being born a Muslim Arab (or any kind of non-Jewish Arab – or even being Jewish and looking Arab!) isn’t easy in Israel. I love my country, I am a Zionist, but I cannot pretend not to see the bigotry and bias against Arabs. I can understand it since it’s Arabs who bomb us, but many good Arabs suffer as a consequence.
Being sexually involved with a Muslim may lead to honor killings even here in this otherwise civilized country. The bias Jews have against Arabs is endless; I have yet to see a dark to black person with no university background in a job better than security or police. Arabs, especially Muslims, face lots of rejection – on the job market, in real estate, but also in interpersonal relationships. Most of my Jewish friends, even the leftist ones, gasp in disbelief when I tell them my father knows I slept with a Muslim and laughs about it. “Mine would cleave my head off!” is a frequent response.

This wonderful young man almost died defending Israel. He knows all the Jewish blessings and prayers, and observes our holidays. He hates Islam more than anything. He works himself to death to support his family and he is sweet and caring and his Facebook friendlist is largely populated by homosexuals. He tries so hard, yet still doesn’t belong, he said so often and it really gets him down. Adopting a fake Jewish identity brings him closer to being part of this society. And yes, he is willing to convert for the right woman; he offered it to his previous partner who however, didn’t really want to take their relationship to such a serious level.
I know how important belonging can be. I’m born in Israel but grew up abroad where I had many psychological problems, all starting with my not feeling like a part of anything and hence, not finding who I was. You’re floating through the world in a bubble you don’t want to be in. Everything is “You and them”, not “You among them”. But he has no native country to simply return and belong to. He’s already in it, yet still doesn’t belong. In his Arab village – Druze, Bedouins, Muslims – people beat him up for acting like neither of the 3.

So I think that while yes, he lies to deceive others into accepting him, he also uses this “pretend play” to be as close as possibly to what he truly wants. Been there, done that. Not to this extent which is actually a crime in Israel (“rape by deception”) but I know where he’s coming from. He’s miserable.

It is possible that this man could be your soulmate, that would be up to you to decide. However, i would ask him to tell you why he deceived you so you could understand better what is going on with him. This is empathy. I would also ask him if he is willing to convert to Judaism. He may have been born into another religion but he may have an inner desire to be Jewish instead. Also I would try to find out if he is interested in marriage and raising a Jewish family.

FYI, I met a Jewish girl in NY who had formerly been Christian and converted. I also knew a blond American guy of Skandinavian descent who converted to Muslim.

I am the same age as you and I have the exact same problem. I came across a 36 year old guy I once dated, who is now on Jdate saying he is 31 and he only wants to date women 21-34. LOL! Anyhow, I get the worst feeling when i think about lying about my age so I mostly get older guys contacting me too.

Anyhow, SHEINA, would you be kind enough to share with me what dating site you found where guys want to date someone their own age?

Thank you,
Elaina

And I did recently hear a story about a woman from an acquaintance of mine who decided to lie about her age and on the first date told the guy the truth – he accepted her anyway and they are now happily married! So it can work.

It is also true that if you meet someone at a party the issue of age does not come up right away because you are being evaluated on your whole “package” – personality, looks, interests and not chronological age. That I think is the problem with dating web sites – the first filter is age and so many men have simply not re-evaluated from the mindset of high school/college when the tendency was to date someone either the same age or one/two years younger.

Sheina – would love to know what other web sites you have found where age is not such an issue? And Anna, I do not think Corinne was being condescending but rather just helpful.

Would be most interested to hear responses from men as so far only women have responded to this question! Thanks for reading.