The Psychology of the Online Dating Profile
It is fairly easy to communicate exactly how we are feeling when meeting women out and about. The various subtleties of our body language, the pitch and sounds of our voices and the way we phrase our words all combine to reveal the subtext behind our words.
For example, if I were approached by a woman at a bar who began to inquire whether or not I was looking for a relationship, the way I deliver my answer (along with my body movements) will reveal whether I am lonely and desperate, or a confident guy who is holding out for the right person. This is a major advantage of meeting women in real life.
When it comes to meeting someone online, we are not afforded the same luxury. The signals we are sending are almost exclusively transferred through the words we write. For many men, this can be a rather difficult task, especially if we are not naturally gifted writers. That’s why we need to pay attention to the psychology of the words we choose to use.
Here’s an example of a mistake I often see my clients make when they’re describing what they are looking for in a woman:
“I am looking for a girl who is funny, intelligent and attractive.” Obviously there will be subtle differences among various profiles, but by notating that we are “looking,” there is the implication that we are the ones surrounding all the power — and that the women we are hitting on are the one who ultimately get to choose. Why should we be “looking?” Men by nature are hunters. Women respond emotionally to alpha males who have these qualities.
That’s why the tallest guys, the strongest guys, or the men who have none of these features, but are always the leaders amongst their friends, are the ones who get the most women.
The most sought after men don’t spend their time “looking.” Women are the ones that chase them. It is instinct. By using language that makes us sound weak, we are subconsciously creating the illusion that we are weak, and may create the unintentional visual that we are lonely men who are desperately searching for a girlfriend. Now let’s take a look at how we can alter the negative psychological impacts of this phrasing.
If I were to alter the statement above by writing, “The perfect girl for me is funny, intelligent and attractive,” I have still managed to communicate exactly what I am looking for in a woman, but now I appear to be the one in control. The statement is now strong and confident. This is both subconsciously and consciously very attractive. Women tend to seek out men that display tremendous confidence and appear in demand.
Imagine the possibilities if we treated every individual sentence in our profile with the same care as the one above. This is what I strive for with myself and all my clients, and what you should too. The perfect profile will move you one step closer towards leaving the competition in the dust as you find your dream woman!