Somehow I stumbled upon your columns and I just can’t stop reading! I can absolutely relate to everything! I’ve been separated for almost a year after a 20 year marriage. I found myself back in the dating scene and it was everything you described in your “coffee date” column. After kissing lots of frogs, I finally found my prince charming! And, yes, we too are living happily apart. I’m hopeful we will live happily ever after together eventually, but for now this works! I’m writing to you because I just love your writing style, your humor and your honesty. I am a publicist and strongly feel you could be the next “Millionaire Matchmaker” from a male’s point of view! I would like to help make that happen for you! If you’re interested in promoting yourself as a male dating expert/coach/matchmaker, I’d be glad to help!

I do hope to hear from you!

Best-
Andrea Foreman

Also wanted to add as a reply to Mark’s point of view, that living apart only works well during a certain age range…eventually we get old enough that individuals in a couple become invaluable live in mates.
Otherwise the scenario eventually becomes that you and your current “life-long partner” gfriend, visit each other in your respective old age homes? really? that’s the way it will go?

I think there is a balance to be established btw work, kids, activities w friends, exercise etc.,. and the one you love. So that even if you live together, it doesn’t mean that every spare moment is lived together. You can still have experiences and “miss each other”.

Luck to you,
Curls

Sad to read this.

I am divorced and I remember all those same things you do, right down to the end. Many years later, and many dates later, I realize that much of the demise of that loving feeling, was brought on by the stress of combining work, children, mortgages, summer camp, and groceries, and our own inherent selfishness. And, so we bailed, because life seemed so much rosier on the other side. And because we could. And because all the experts (who were getting divorced, too) told us our kids would be happier and mentally healthier if we divorced.

Truth is most kids of divorce don’t grow up happier or healthier. Most carry the emotional toll right into adulthood. And of course, they learned to give up on their marriages too or maybe never to commit to anyone at all.

Commitment takes courage and faith and endurance. It almost feels like those characteristics are being bred out of us. And that is the most sad of all.

I still believe in marriage.

Deb

If 50% of marriages fail, and yours was one of those, then the odds would say your next one would succeed. You’ve had one that didn’t go the distance and got that part of the 50% out of the way, so you are now possibly destined to experience the other side of the equation, the 50% that do succeed.

Hey, I’m not an accountant but the figures seem pretty straightforward. By my calculations, the odds are in your favour this time around.

I wish you the magic of finding and loving someone for eternity.
50% of marriages don’t make it that’s true and you’ve already done that. No need to repeat.
I wholeheartedly hope you find her and live together forever and after.