Ask a Rabbi: Can a Woman Make the First Move?
I am a 53-year-old woman and have two wonderful sons (ages 16 and 21) who live with me. Two years ago, after 28 years of marriage, my ex and I divorced. We have done a really good job of staying good co-parents and I believe have shown our sons how best to resolve conflict with honor, caring and love.
I have recently started dating, and though I’m not even close to thinking about marriage, I do miss the wonderful joy of connecting to a man. I am ready for a committed relationship.
My question: It has been over thirty years since I have dated and things have changed a lot. Is it appropriate for me to contact a man that I first notice on JDate? Or does that send the wrong message?
-Confused In Colorado
I am sorry to hear about your divorce. Having been through that myself, I always say that even when it is the best choice, it is difficult. How wonderful it is that you and your ex-husband have set a good model for your sons.
One of nice things about JDate is that you are free to contact anyone of your choosing. This is true for men and for women. It is completely appropriate for you to send a communication to a man signaling your interest in connecting. I would suggest by starting with something brief – a hello and a reference to something in his profile that caught your attention. One or two sentences would be plenty to begin. If he is interested, he will get back with you and you can take it from there. If you don’t hear back, then you can move on. It is also fine to send a communication to more than one man at a time, as we never know which connection will evolve.
I wish you success in your endeavor of finding a loving relationship.
To ask Rabbi Damsky a question, email firstname.lastname@example.org.