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7 Ways To Recognize Your Beshert

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A Beshert is the Jewish notion of a soul mate.  Beshert means destiny or your predestined spouse.  Some rabbis teach that according to the Talmud, 40 days before a male child is born, God announces whose daughter he will marry.

According to Kabbalah, God divides a soul in half, into male and female. When they finally meet in holy matrimony, their bond returns.

Some people believe you can go to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray for 40 days to attract your soul mate. I once read an article about someone who did this and got married. There are even websites like www.jerusalemtempleprayers.com that will send someone to the Wailing Wall to pray for you for 40 days, for a fee.

But do people believe in soul mates these days? According to a recent poll taken by Spark Networks, Inc., the owner and operator of JDate, 46 percent of singles believe there is one right person in the world for them, compared to 34 percent who disagreed and 20 percent who were undecided.

If you believe in soul mates, how might you recognize yours?

Here are 7 common things I’ve heard people report feeling when they first meet their soul mate:

  1. Time Stands Still
  2. You Get a Feeling Like You’ve Known Each Other Before
  3. There Are Many Commonalities
  4. You Have Similar Values
  5. There is a Deep Mutual Acceptance
  6. You Have an Ability to Help Each Other Grow
  7. Obstacles Don’t Matter, You Still Want To Be Together

In the end, finding your soul mate may feel joyous, wonderful and otherworldly, but marriage and long-term relationships are still work and a constant dose of reality. In fact, the very nature of soul mates is to help each other grow on a spiritual level, so these relationships can be even more challenging than having a regular companion.

A good way to attract your soul mate is to be spiritually open and willing to grow and learn.

You need to be mature enough to know yourself on a deep level so you can recognize who will complement you — and to look beyond any external factors to the soul level of your date.

You also need to be ready to work on a relationship that will ultimately bring up challenging karmic issues for you both. Your soul mate will know you more deeply than others, and this can be both blissful and miserable at times.

Yet if you’re both willing to own your weaknesses and to work on them, this relationship can be a place to grow tremendously, both in wholeness and in love.

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and the author of “Dating from the Inside Out” and “When Mars Women Date.” She also works as a love coach and runs groups on dating and relationship issues in Manhattan.  Learn more at: www.whenmarswomendate.com.
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  • Jessica says:

    I truly do believe in this predestined soulmate idea…my soulmate and I just discussed the Beshert notion yesterday…he and I have been together for 2.5 years and all “7 common feelings” still are true for us after all this time…we love so deeply and share so much and are honestly each other’s very best friends…even the way we found each other was so unique and mysterious that we are both convinced that our souls were made for each other…:) <3

  • The Phoenix says:

    First intelligent article I’ve read. What a pleasure to witness the writings of those genuinely interested in helping others self-evaluate with insight and intelligence for the the purposes of growing as individuals and as a couple.
    I was in a blissful relationship and had a marriage many can only dream of with a man who was more than a man, He was an anomaly!
    You’ve heard the cliche “relationships take work”… but does anybody really know what that means any more? Men write it all the time, as do women, but do they understand what it is that they are claiming to want a part of? I have a feeling that the answer is no. So…why is that?
    In my humble opinion, it takes two exceptional people to create one exceptional relationship. That’s just for starters. After that; it’s a question of knowing what you want; what you need; what you’re willing to give or do and what you are not. Communication; Sincerity; Honesty and Integrity and most of all….Respect.
    When things get rough, the easiest thing to do is to walk away; as many do. The harder thing, is to negotiate. Negotiations are a vital component to helping relationships stay on focus and on track. Relationships are organic; they aren’t stagnant and lifeless. They are the trees that bear the fruit which you will ultimately taste. And whether the fruit is bitter or sweet, will depend entirely on how it has been nurtured; fed and tended. xo

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