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First Comes Love, Then Comes… Marriage?

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So you’ve been dating comfortably for a while now, you’re totally in love, and you’re dying to figure out if your man is ready to take that next big step: the “M” word!  As always, communication is KEY in every relationship! If you’re really wondering where you stand, try to broach the marriage subject in a calm and approachable manner.  Read below to discover five ways your man may answer about marriage and then let me help you decode his answers, understand what they mean, and figure out how you should proceed from there!

1. Answer #1: “I love you and I don’t see this relationship ever ending.”

Aww, isn’t that sweet… sort of. While this certainly sounds nice on the surface, your guy seems to think that dropping the l-word will distract you long enough so that you might forget about the desire for a ring and commitment!  Or maybe he’s just planning some elaborate You-Tube-worthy engagement in front of the Cinderella Castle at Disneyworld in six months. Either way, respond warmly, but make sure you clearly express your desire to get married. Otherwise, if you agree too emphatically, he may think you’re okay with a permanent girlfriend situation. Then you wait. Wait a few months, because this is NOT a kiss of death – he’s just buying time.

2. Answer #2: “You’re wonderful. I’m just not ready to think about marriage at this point.”

A few things to consider: has he mentioned marriage before? Has he said he plans to marry you? Have you been dating for more than five years? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then you should apply a little bit of pressure. Let him know, lovingly, that you don’t want to rush him. But you’re hoping to get married, especially to him, and you’re not going to wait around forever. Feel it out and see if he’s a commit-o-phobe, or if he’s genuinely just waiting for the right time. May the odds be ever in your favor.

3. Answer #3: “Marriage isn’t something I’m really thinking about at this point.”

The ball is in your court. Figure out how long you’re willing to wait for this guy… a few months? A year? Maybe more? Do yourself a favor and let him know – honestly – that marriage is a BIG DEAL for you and it’s something that you ARE thinking about. Don’t throw a bridal magazine at his head and run out the door, but tell him, firmly, that you want to talk more about the subject. Try something to the effect of, “I understand if you’re not ready right now, but let’s talk about it again this summer.”

4. Answer #4: “I just don’t see us getting married.”

Well, at least he’s being honest. And now it’s your turn: tell him it’s over! If you’re at the point where you’re discussing marriage, chances are good that you’ve invested a TON in this relationship – money, time, effort, etc. Not to mention the fact that while you’ve been seeing this guy, you haven’t been meeting any of the other metaphorical fish in the sea. Maybe he’s not a bad guy, but if you don’t share a common goal, the relationship has no future, and it’s time for you both to move on. It sounds tough, but you owe it to yourself to pursue a relationship with the happy ending you desire! And he deserves to find a woman who’s willing to settle for less work, less effort and less commitment than he’s providing. Cut your losses, sister, and go find yourself a better mister!

5. Answer #5: “I’m ready. You’re the woman I want to be with forever.”

If THIS is his answer, then you must be dating one of my clients! Just kidding, but this is the holy grail of answers. He’s clearly madly in love with you, and I’m sure you’re crazy about him too! Hold on tightly to this man and don’t let go — he’s a keeper!

Janis Spindel is just 2 Marriages shy of 1000, and she has been in business for 21 years! Specializing in pairing up upscale clientele who are well-educated, sophisticated, attractive professionals, including public figures and celebrities, this self-proclaimed Cupid in a Chanel suit is no-nonsense when it comes to the business of “getting people married.” For more info on Janis, check out www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com.
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