Mindy and Joe: “This is the story of what JDate did…”
To start, below are synopses of their original JDate profiles.
Joey’s description of who he is and what he wants:
What you see is what you get. I’m hungry for life, activity, learning, a sense of connection, and exchanges where I can hone my wit and enjoy sensual and spiritual experience. I’m just now repatriating to the USA after living in Israel for many years and trying really hard to get used to the California way of doing things. It isn’t easy, believe me. I’m looking for a soul to enjoy sharing feelings and activities. I need her to be really smart, and down to earth with a sense of humor. I’m a nurturer by nature.
I’m looking for a brilliant, independent-thinking totally female sensual creature hungry for the nurturing that she can get from a good relationship with the right man. I’m looking for someone who knows what it means to build a partnership (and is ready for it); someone who knows that commitment and growth don’t require suffocation; someone who can really appreciate me for who I am; someone who cherishes harmony without sacrificing her individualism or integrity.
I’m looking for emphasis on straight, real time communication and confirmation that the message as intended was received (even if that slows things down). Where there is commitment to straight truth and communication, there can be a warm flow of good feelings. When I’m with someone, I want to feel good and comfortable being myself, not constrained and on guard, or feel the need to conceal who I am, what I want or play games.
Joey’s ideal first date:
I would rather just talk about this on the phone and see if it sounds right. But the information I’d be after in a first encounter would be assessing the person’s wit and ‘middot’ towards other people, getting a feel for their sense of humor, and a sense of their own comfort with themselves. This would usually entail coffee and conversation, maybe with time to stroll around somewhere.
Mindy’s ideal first date:
Let’s meet for a cup of coffee and get the first date jitters out of the way. Then we can really go on our first date!
Mindy’s description of who she is and what she wants:
I’m fit, fun, and frisky. I’m looking for playmate who can keep up with me. In the winter, you’ll find me on the slopes at Tahoe, skiing. In the spring and summer, I could be kayaking around Monterey Bay, hiking around the Bay Area, backpacking the Appalachian Trail or biking to work. In fall, I love a refreshing walk in the rain or seeking the elusive fall colors in the mountains. I’m Ivy League intelligent, but don’t flaunt it. I’m a good listener, very loyal, funny, and warm and have a great sense of humor. Giving back to the community is important to me, from re-building burned churches in the South to serving on the Board of local non-profits. I hardly ever watch TV and would rather listen to music (good ol’ rock and roll, doo wop or the blues), hang with friends or read a good book-mostly historical fiction and mysteries. I am looking for someone who craves a long term partnership. I bring a warm heart, sympathetic ear and nurturing soul to a relationship. We should share values and interests.
I prefer the burning embers to the flame. Start off slowly, get to know each other. The more we learn about each other, the more we fall in love with each other. My ideal relationship is filled with joy and laughter, mutual respect, trust, open and honest communication and a constant “renegotiating” of the terms and conditions.
I deserve a man who is tall, intelligent, has a good sense of humor and a strong sense of self. If that man is you, you are adventurous, financially secure and loyal yet independent. You should have your own interests, life and friends and be willing to enhance what you have with our relationship. You should be willing to work at the care and feeding of a relationship. And, last but not least, you must be someone who wants to spend the rest of their life seeking out the positive, enjoying what the world has to give and who wants to share their gifts (be they material, intellectual, etc.) with others.
Finally, Mindy on past relationships:
Relationships are hard and take a lot of work especially once we move beyond the “zing” of beginnings and the veils of infatuation! However, they are also one of the most rewarding things in life. To give and receive love unconditionally is a great gift.
Joey on past relationships:
I’m best in the world at being me. It either works for you or doesn’t. I won’t get involved with the intention of ‘changing’ or ‘helping’ someone. I’ll get involved when I see potential for unlimited growth. I want to avoid people who are petty, bitter, selfish, or foolish.
So, Minky7B93 made her move. Please note: The female of the species is always the most aggressive on the hunt!
The details of Mindy and Joey’s email conversations follow:
Subject : Middot
I have to admit that I’d never heard of middot before and had to look it up! This is what I found: middot are character traits that are at the core of our moral and religious life. Love it. Take a look at my profile and if you think ours might be in sync (I do!), drop me a line!
Joey’s reaction: From my perspective, I saw that someone actually read the profile I wrote. So, I was excited. I was not intimidated by her description of her activities. I was delighted that she was smart. I get the giving back part. TV is for news, PBS series, motor oil operas. I like the nurturing part. I like the values parts.
I did look up your profile, and see a lot of things there that resonate.
1) I’m an economic refugee just getting on my feet and not so financially secure so I am wide of the mark on that criteria. That said, I have a great, very creative job, but I’m not making millions, yet. I save every penny for my children.
2) I’m a vicarious sportsman. Kayaking and hiking are definites, but I haven’t yet stood up on snow skis. I’d love to try, but haven’t done that yet. When some friends took me to their time share in Tahoe, I almost rented skis in Squaw Valley. That’s about as close as I got.
3) I identify with just about everything else you said. I’m not afraid of brilliant, independent women, I thrive on their company.
So, if those disclaimers don’t turn you off, how do you propose we proceed? Black decaf at Peets or Starbucks sounds good sometime. Maybe a phone call? Give it a shot.
The fact that you’re not intimidated by intelligence, self-confidence or independence is a “need” that far outweighs many of my “wants.”
I’d love to chat a bit on the phone and given that we live relatively close to each other, perhaps make a plan to get together for coffee.
If that sounds good to you, give me a call. I’m going to head out to the Farmer’s Market in about an hour, but have my cell within reach.
Try as I might, I couldn’t decipher your telepathic phone number and I’m embarrassingly going to have to ask you to use more mundane means of transmitting your contact information. My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Your move, Joey
I’m saddened to hear that ESP is not among your core competencies. Hopefully, you have other redeeming qualities that we can discern in a forthcoming conversation. Watch for the following number to appear on your caller ID: XXX-XXX-XXXX
You didn’t hear that ESP was not among my core competencies. You assumed it based upon what you read. And, this assumption wants accuracy. There’s lots of noise out there in the ether. I said your telepathic number was hard to DECIPHER. (Unless of course, you didn’t telepath it at all in which case, why are you busting my balls?). Check your incoming caller ID.
Subject: Hey There Sexy!
What a lousy picture. Please don’t change it. I love you.
Thank you JDate.
Mindy & Joe
San Jose, California