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“I’m Still Hurting. Should I Move On?”

Submitted by 8 Comments

Dear Rabbi,

Is it appropriate to seek a new relationship when one is healing emotionally?



Dear Hurting,

It really depends on the specific situation; it’s hard for me to give advice without knowing the details. I can only give you this general guidance: be honest with your feelings. If you truly believe that you can give a relationship partner your undivided emotional attention to allow a healthy relationship to develop, then you should go for it.

If you don’t think you’re ready to do that, then you shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to the other person involved. If you decide you aren’t ready, you should do your best to get whatever help you might need to heal. Be proactive about it. Don’t just hope that healing will come on its own. It might, but do you really want to wait that long?

With blessings for a complete and speedy healing.


Rabbi Arnie Singer offers dating and relationship advice on both of his sites: Jcoach.com and ItoIdo.com. He is the author of From I to I Do: How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Mr. Right
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  • Greg says:

    First time I have really been in love and then we split…had no idea my heart would hurt so much…any advise would be appreciated to get thru this…

  • dany says:

    I am hoping the exlove will ride in and save me from dating dilemas and spare me all these coffee dates where I search for that special click! But realistically that is not going to happen, I accept that I am responsible for my happiness and the work it takes to make it happen.

  • miriam says:

    I am a recent widow and very lonely. I will never forget my husband but I want to move on. Is that wrong? I want to find my soul mate and be able to open my heart again. I want to feel happy and not sad all the time. I know maybe I need some time but feel I’m getting on and want to meet someone to share my life as soon as possible. Please tell me if I am doing right or wrong.

  • Zack says:

    When emotions are raw, the true dark side will show it self.Better to meet someone when their true self is most exposed. Life sucks, the more you care, the more you hurt. In the middle comes the joy! Fear not! If things are going too well, you are most likely not living loud enough.
    Screwy, perhaps crude, but each day is a gift we most often take for granted. So if you are in that place of transition, i ask you…
    Burn Out? or Fade Away?

  • Joan says:

    That’s my situation. However, he’s moved on (back to the old girlfriend (AGAIN!) and I need to move on as well, although it’s a little difficult when out and a familiar situation arises and the reactions are different.

    I thought of going to a counselor, but I know what I need to do, I just need to kick myself in the bottom and do it. Have been out with others, but there’s no pull of the heartstrings. I know I’ll find it again, but it will just take time.

    Good luck to those in the same situation.

  • Dave says:

    I agree to some degree- but it helps to get out there and know you have options, even if you’re heartbroken. It’s such an awful place to be, and it’s hard to really know how one’s heart will respond to that of another; it could surprise you.

  • Sarah says:

    Good advice

  • flirting says:

    Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and I find It
    really useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something
    back and aid others like you helped me.

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