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Take a stroll through your local bookstore and you’ll find self-help guides telling you what to say during a job interview, a funeral, a corporate speech – even a conversation with a dolphin. Nowhere, however, will you find even one paragraph describing what might be appropriate to say to your lover while making love… until now.
The pairing of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah as Thanksgivukkah works so well, it raises the question among us JDaters — why not pair up even more things in your life that can benefit you romantically? Here are some suggestions.
Like most everyone, I was brought up to believe that romance and falling in love is indeed a very specific, time-tested process. Everyone seems to think that after you meet someone, you need to date for a while (sometimes for years) and then eventually decide if you want to marry this person.
Sometimes it takes someone outside of your circle of friends and family to have the perspective of seeing your life and problems as they truly are… and offering some insight into resolving them. I believe I am that person for you. I see so clearly where you have gone astray romantically, and exactly what you need to get back on track. Renee, here it is in a nutshell: you need a Jewish man.
So I’m having a Rat Pack moment the other day, sipping a martini and listening to Frank Sinatra singing “L.A. Is My Lady,” a song in which he uses the City of Angels metaphorically for his romantic relationships. Yeah, it’s just a typical Thursday for me, when it strikes me that my own version of the Chairman of the Board’s hit would be “Writing Is My Lady.”
Oh, my synagogue sweetheart. The Jews may be God’s chosen people, but you are my chosen woman. Let me lead you upstairs now, much like Moses led our Jewish ancestors out of captivity in Egypt.
One of the loneliest, most challenging activities and times of day for singles who’ve not yet met their JDate Beshert is climbing into that big empty bed, late at night, all alone. But that need not be the case. You see, even when I don’t have a current romantic partner, I’m never alone at night in my bed. Why? Because joining me are the living memories of my past failed relationships.
So before you let yourself be swept away by someone new, give your JDate match this fool-proof quiz to see just how Jewish they truly are! If they can’t answer correctly, but you can, you may want to reconsider labeling them your Beshert!
Okay, I’ll admit it – we men excel at messing up our romantic lives. This is why romantic songs and movies and Hallmark cards are so popular – among women.
Ladies and gentlemen, fellow members of the Chosen People, and fellow JDaters®, I come to you today with a confession and a request. My confession: I have experienced approximately 750 coffee dates. That’s right—I have had a one-date connection with 750 women. My request: Kill me now.