Intimacy is not just what happens between you and another. Intimacy starts with yourself – your home, your body, your work, and your outlook on life. Having your immediate world set up as you like it, or at least on the path to creating what you want, is the first step to feeling worthy of love, and becoming good at marketing yourself. Take the quiz below to determine if you are ready to find and keep love.
The Building Intimacy Into Your Life Questionnaire
1. How do you feel about being home alone?
(A.) I enjoy being home alone
(B.) I feel good, but only if I know that I will be with someone later in the evening or the next night
(C.) I go to sleep, overeat, or feel uneasy
2. How do you refer to the place where you live?
(A.) My home, my place, my apartment
(B.) Where I live
(C.) I avoid mentioning it
3. Whom do you love?
(A.) One or two people (or more)
(B.) I’ll have to think about that
(C.) No one right now
4. When you think about dating, what do you fantasize about?
(A.) I’m going to meet some interesting people and have a good time
(B.) I’ll probably meet someone eventually, but I’m not enthusiastic about this “in-between” period
(C.) It will be awful, or I have no idea at all
5. How do you feel about your work?
(A.) I have a satisfying career, or I am working at establishing one
(B.) I haven’t decided what I want to do
(C.) I dislike it, but have no alternatives
6. How competent are you at self-maintenance (personal care, grooming, paying bills, returning calls, etc.)?
(A.) Pretty good
(B.) I am often late, messy, and disorganized
(C.) I need a mother
7. Do men and women generally find you an appealing person?
(B.) I don’t know
(C.) Only my family or the few people who know me well
8. When someone you’re interested in rejects you, how do you react?
(A.) I feel disappointed, but get over it
(B.) Not very well, but I manage to get over it in a month or so
(C.) I blame it entirely on myself and can go into a long period of dejection
9. How adequate is your income?
(B.) Erratically adequate
(C.) Completely inadequate, but I can’t do anything about it
10. When you first meet people, do you…
(A.) Get to know them and tell them about yourself?
(B.) Proceed cautiously?
(C.) Become tongue-tied and uneasy?
11. How do you feel about yourself personally?
(B.) All right, I guess
(C.) I’ll be acceptable after a lot of hard work
12. How would you describe your usual evening meal?
(B.) Hit and miss
13. How do you rate the way you look?
(B.) Good-looking, if I really put effort into it
(C.) Thumbs down
14. Do you have trouble saying “no” to invitations?
(A.) It’s not that difficult
(B.) It is difficult for me most of the time
(C.) I can’t say “No” to anything or anybody
15. At a party where you know only the host or hostess, do you…
(A.) Look over the guests and head for the most appealing or interesting looking people?
(B.) Speak to the person standing closest to you?
(C.) Head for a corner, or the bathroom?
16. When you notice someone you might like to meet looking at you pleasantly, you…
(A.) Smile back
(B.) Make a mental note that you would like to meet him or her at some future date
(C.) Feel uneasy or nauseous
17. How do you visualize your “type”?
(A.) I don’t visualize a particular type
(B.) I am able to visualize several types
(C.) I have a very definite type that I am interested in
18. A friend has just told you that he or she has met someone great. You…
(A.) Feel happy for your friend without reservation
(B.) Want to know all about the other person before giving your seal of approval
(C.) Warn your friend against the pitfalls of a relationship
19. When you meet someone that you would like to meet again, do you…
(A.) Establish that you want to get together and would enjoy seeing them
(B.) Contact someone only in a week or so as to not appear too desperate
(C.) Hope they will call you
20. How do you respond when a friend or lover asks, “How are you?”
(A.) Give them an honest assessment of your feelings at the moment
(B.) Answer briefly and move on to another subject
(C.) Always answer “fine”
You get one point for choosing option A, two points for choosing option B, and three points for choosing option C. Tally up your points by adding up your answers to each question.
- If you scored under 30, the odds for emotional success are on your side. So full speed ahead!
- If you scored 30 to 45, you need more comfortable and supportive people in your life. Do take on new situations and challenges regularly, but have intervals of safety in between so you can feel emotional ground beneath your feet. Don’t quit dating, but rally your support team to help you along the way.
- If you scored more than 45, you need work on your attitudes about yourself and others. You will need more self-care and emotional muscle in order to make the changes you want before taking on many more new experiences. You have time ahead. Be sure every dating move you make is one that can help you to be at your very best.