As I prepare for another Seder with my family, I have begun to think about the implications of being single again this Pesach. I already know the questions I will be asked: “Are you dating?” “Don’t you think it is time to settle down?” “Your brother gave us grandchildren, why not you?” The questions are endless and the answers are already memorized.
I have come to the realization that being single is not a crime. I actually enjoy dating and meeting new people. I like the preparation, the first meeting, the mystery of what is yet to come. Does this mean I am not looking for something greater? No, it doesn’t. I am. However, there is nothing wrong with taking my time and knowing what I am getting myself into before making a commitment.
I think during this year’s Seder I will allow my parents to ask the questions, but realize that these questions are about their wants and needs, not mine. I want to find the “real deal,” not the deal my parents believe is right for me. I will remain single until I find the one person who complements me best. If my parents or anyone else do not understand, that’s on them, not me.
I truly believe that one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high is because people rush into something due to pressure from outside influences. I have worked with many divorced clients who all seem to have similar stories: “My parents wanted me to find someone;” “All of my friends were getting married and having babies;” “I thought it was what society expected of me.” The underlying theme here is that they were married based on what other people or norms expected of them, rather than what they wanted or needed for themselves.
This year, during Pesach I will reflect on my own personal freedoms and thank G-d I have the power to make my own choices. I will settle down when I am ready. I will have my own family when I am ready. Freedom, such a beautiful feeling!