Guys, there are plenty of interesting and attractive women on JDate and I am sure you have already dated many of them in search of your ultimate woman. Many of you have emailed me asking why you haven’t been getting second dates. Several guys claim that the women on JDate are serial daters while others have claimed that most women aren’t interested in relationships. Before we address reasons why both of those claims are unfounded, why don’t we look at ten reasons why women might not choose to see you again after a first date:
1.) You have no plan. Many guys don’t take the first date seriously and don’t make a definitive plan. Instead, they tend to fly by the seat of their pants. Women, on the other hand, will be offended by men that do this. They want a guy to show them they are interested and took some time to make a plan. Be precise with respect to time and place. Choose a nice place to meet for dinner or a drink and give them a specific time to be there. And, don’t be late!
2.) You don’t confirm the date. A guy must confirm the date that day before 2:00 pm to let the girl know that the date is still taking place. Don’t just assume that the date is on. Make the effort and let her know that you will be there and be on time. It also wouldn’t hurt to say, “I am looking forward to meeting you tonight.”
3.) Never order before the woman does. A gentleman will always allow the lady to order her drinks or food before he does. Never forget this. A woman will think you are a gentleman when you allow her to order first. She will think you are a pompous, self-centered ass if you order first.
4.) Let her speak. Sounds pretty simple, but it’s not. Many guys like to hear themselves speak and talk about themselves too much. Remember that a person feels as if they know you better when they are allowed to talk about themselves more often. Women like good listeners, so use your ears more than your mouth.
5.) Don’t brag about your life or accomplishments. Yes, it’s definitely OK to talk about yourself, just don’t get carried away. There is a distinct difference between saying, “I am a Vice President at a bank. I enjoy my job,” and “I am a Vice President of a bank. I am up for another promotion next week. I am the leading salesperson in the district. My manager loves me and I am the most popular person in the office. I was just given a raise.” Try to use the word “I” less frequently.
6.) Never talk about your ex-girlfriend. Sounds pretty simple, but many guys do it. When you talk about ex-girlfriends, you are indirectly telling the girl in front of you that you continue to think about your ex-girlfriend and that you are currently comparing her to your current date. Never a good thing.
7.) Don’t outstay your welcome. A first date should be a feeling-out process. Don’t extend the date past an hour or so even if you like her. If your date doesn’t want a second date, you are only wasting your time. If she does enjoy spending time with you, there is plenty of time later in the week to arrange future dates.
8.) Always pay for the first date. A guy must always pay for the first date, especially if it was you that asked her out in the first place. Show her that you are a gentleman and not a cheapskate. Treat her like the lady she is. Even if you have no plans to ever see her again, you must pay. You need to maintain your status in the community as a gentleman. A good reputation is tough to sustain, but easy to destroy.
9.) Never say “I will call you” after a date if you don’t plan on doing so. Not an easy thing to avoid. Ending a bad or disinteresting date is not a comfortable thing and we all have made the mistake of saying, “I will call you,” knowing full well we won’t. When you tell a girl you will call, she will be expecting you to call, and when you don’t, she thinks you are a jerk. Instead, walk her to her car or to a cab and say, “I enjoyed meeting you, have a good night.” Say it with a smile on your face and simply turn and walk away.
10.) If you are interested, call her the next day. Forget playing games. Games are for little kids and little kids don’t get girlfriends. Call her the next day and let her know you had a good time. Ask her out for a night later in the week. If she isn’t interested, it’s much better to know immediately than to let her string you along. If she is interested, you are well on your way to a second date.
I appreciate all of the comments and emails I have been getting over the past few months. Should there be a topic you would like me to write about in the future, please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.