When it comes to Jewish dating, you’ve been there, done him. JDates, blind dates, good dates, bad dates, and you’re still sitting at home single. Well, ladies, leave the house. Be proactive, get out there, wake up and smell the charoset. JDate’s great, but you still have to show your shayna punim in public. You have to go where the Jewish boys are. You have to kick it where Jews congregate. You have to get your cute tuchus to a giant Jewish simcha…even if you weren’t invited to one.
No—I’m not talking about Wedding Crashers. Please—what kind of nice Jewish girl do you think I am? I’m talking about Bar Mitzvah Crashers. You heard me—those coming of age affairs are a sea of single Jews waiting to be snagged. Think of all those twenty-something cousins trapped at a party full of pre-teens. Think of all those thirty-something uncles sitting alone at Table Eight. Think of all those eligible bachelors doing the electric slide with alta kockers. Those guys are good to go. And there’s no shortage of shindigs to show up to. You can hit up Aiden’s service Saturday morning, Lisa’s soiree Saturday afternoon and Bobby’s big blowout on Saturday night.
And talk about a perfect pick-up setting: The dress code ranges from semi-formal to faputzed, which means you can flaunt your poulkes in a pint-sized dress. There’s always an open Manischewitz bar, so your Bar Mitzvah bachelor will already be buzzed. And every celebration has an over the top theme. So, even if you don’t bring home a Hebrew hottie, you can bring home a lovely centerpiece. And who doesn’t want a “Mike’s Favorite M.M.A. Stars” floral arrangement for their front hall? Trust me, Bar/Bat Mitzvah season is the prime time to meet your mensch, even if it means crashing a couple of ceremonies.
Don’t drop your jaw at me. Crashing is nothing new to Jews. You think those party animals waited for Noah’s formal invite before they boarded their booze cruise? You think our ancestors waited for Moses’s Evite® before escaping from Egypt?
“Fellow Jews and Slaves, You are formally invited to Run For Your Lives. Please RSVP so God knows how much manna to make. Can’t wait to see everyone! Mo”
C’mon, our ancestors didn’t wait for their bread to rise or for an invite to arrive. So what are you waiting for? The only thing that stands between you and your Beshert is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah guest list. So grab your wingman, a little bit of chutzpah, and an eighteen dollar check. And the directions to Temple Shalom on Central Street…I always get that one confused with Temple Israel on Main.
Ok, ok, fine, maybe you won’t be crashing a Bar Mitzvah anytime soon. But you should definitely attend any Jewish event to which you’re invited. Show up. Be present. Just say yes—and not just to a proposal. I mean, obviously you should say yes to a proposal, especially if you like the guy. But, to get to that whole one knee-big-rock moment, you have to say yes to every invitation you receive. Boss’s kid’s Bar Mitzvah—yes. Landlord’s Latke Party—yes. Neighbor’s Passover Seder —yes, yes, yes! Because you never know when finding the afikomen at a seder will lead to finding the love of your life. Hmm… Seder Crashers—now there’s an idea.