Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
I’m a very confused woman, 53 years old. I was married 19 years, have two adult daughters, a good job and a good salary; I’ve had three longtime relationships since my marriage ended. I’m very active, intelligent, interesting, not bad looking … and stacked. And I’ve had absolutely no one respond to me on JDate. I’m not a blond and Russian, are these the reasons (lol)?
Maybe you can recommend me a book on online dating, how to present myself, write a profile, what pictures to post? Is it true that men don’t read profiles and are only looking at pics? Should I post the picture in a blonde wig?
– Confused Oceanlover
Dear Confused Oceanlover:
As a brunette myself, I can assure you that most men are not necessarily looking for “blondes.” But presenting the best possible portrait of yourself in your profile is important, because it is true that people of both genders make snap judgments based on people’s pictures.
You should include three photos of yourself, which are recent, not blurry or hard to see, and show both your face close up, as well as your larger figure or body. Ideally, pick photos where you are smiling, and look happy and engaged. If your profile talks about how much you love hiking, for example, include a picture of you hiking! If you have a love for fine foods, maybe you can get a picture of yourself with your daughters at a nice restaurant.
Look at your photos as a way to communicate positive things about yourself – things like the fact you have loving family and friends, and that you are engaged in the world around you, etc. If you don’t have any pictures that do this, get your camera and a girlfriend and find a way to make some! Fortunately, in this age of digital photography, getting good post-able photos is easy to do.
As for the content of your profile, try to be thoughtful but brief; answer questions directly without rambling and have a friend check your profile for spelling and grammatical errors. If your profile seems half-hearted because it is just thrown together or poorly constructed, men may make that inference about you.
Ask one of your friends (and ideally a guy friend) to read your profile and say how you are coming off to others. Sometimes having a fresh set of eyes like this can help point out places where you are maybe projecting something negative without even realizing it. Also, your friends know you best, so they would know whether you are bringing out your best qualities.
— The Matchmaker Rabbi
Joysa Winter, aka The Matchmaker Rabbi, knows all about how hard it is to find lasting love. It took her 17 years to find Mr. Not Wrong! In that time, she tried just about every singles site, dating club and Matzah Ball known to humanity. Now in her fourth year of rabbinical school and the mother of 1.5 kids, nothing brings her greater joy than officiating a wedding. She is finishing a book on her dating adventures called Chasing Cupid, Tales of Dating Disaster in Jewish Suburbia. You can follow her on Twitter at @wanderinghebrew.