Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
I sometimes wonder what it is that men want. Just when I am reading a profile that seems to mirror me and the man’s profile is actually listing the qualities and interests that I have, I send an email, I get looked at, and then, no response. I think I look pretty good — very youthful and attractive for someone who is 61 and a grandmother. I receive compliments and kudos on a daily basis and that builds my confidence. Then I put a profile on JDate and … nothing. My profile is short and sweet, and I posted pix that were only a week old. Honesty is there; what else is missing?
I hear your pain. I went through the same thing for much of my seven years of online dating, and I was half your age, so I don’t think your age, or your attributes, have anything to do with it. My theory is that, despite what guys say and like to think about themselves, a great many men just don’t warm to the idea of a woman making the first move.
Is it ridiculous? Of course. It is maddening and counterproductive in a dating platform whose sole purpose is to help people find their love match? Absolutely. But how else can you explain the fact that for every 10 men I wrote online, I was lucky if one wrote me back too? (And I, like you, had no shortage of compliments and kudos by people who knew me.) Unfortunately, I imagine this kind of old-fashioned thinking is even more prevalent among men in your age group than it was in mine.
This probably isn’t much consolation, but try not to take it personally. Dating is a numbers game, and all you need is the one guy who will not be intimidated to write you back. Also try to think of it as a screening device; would you really want to enter a relationship, anyway, with a man who is too insecure to appreciate a confident and forthright woman?
That said, it is always a good idea to have a few girlfriends (or guy friends) read your profile and just double-check your tone and how you come across. Online profiles are like resumes — we are never the best person to evaluate our own.
— The Matchmaker Rabbi
Joysa Winter, aka The Matchmaker Rabbi, knows all about how hard it is to find lasting love. It took her 17 years to find Mr. Not Wrong! In that time, she tried just about every singles site, dating club and Matzah Ball known to humanity. Now in her fourth year of rabbinical school and the mother of 1.5 kids, nothing brings her greater joy than officiating a wedding. She is finishing a book on her dating adventures called Chasing Cupid, Tales of Dating Disaster in Jewish Suburbia. You can follow her on Twitter at @wanderinghebrew.