Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
I’m dating to marry. A man my age contacted me and his profile sounds great, except he said he is separated. I asked him “How’s your divorce coming along — have to ask?” and he told me he is very recently separated but thought we have things in common and could offer each other a lot. He said if I need to move more quickly, he understands.
I’m kind of stumped as I am really ready for a committed relationship and don’t want to be with someone who really isn’t available. I finally wrote him back that I’m always open to widening my circle of friends, and we can talk if would like and gave him my number. Haven’t heard back.
But for the future, I’m really not sure about dating men who aren’t yet divorced and appreciate your advice.
— Quandary Gal
Dear Quandary Gal:
The legal side of a divorce can sometimes take awhile, especially if it is contentious, so I personally would not be hung up on whether the divorce is finalized. But people need emotional distance after a divorce, and time to be alone to process what they have been through, before they can really be ready to begin a new relationship from a healthy place.
A person who has just separated shouldn’t even think about having a date for the first 6 months after the separation. And ideally, he would wait a year. So, I think you were absolutely right to feel leery. Any person who is jumping into the dating field immediately after a separation is either running away from his feelings, or is too insecure or co-dependent to know how to be alone. And either way, that makes him not a good candidate for you.
A man can only be “Mr. Right” if the timing is also right.
— The Matchmaker Rabbi
Joysa Winter, aka The Matchmaker Rabbi, knows all about how hard it is to find lasting love. It took her 17 years to find Mr. Not Wrong! In that time, she tried just about every singles site, dating club and Matzah Ball known to humanity. Now in her fourth year of rabbinical school and the mother of 1.5 kids, nothing brings her greater joy than officiating a wedding. She is finishing a book on her dating adventures called Chasing Cupid, Tales of Dating Disaster in Jewish Suburbia. You can follow her on Twitter at @wanderinghebrew.