Even though I have never had a problem being Facebook friend with a woman while we were dating that doesn’t mean that there weren’t problem with us being Facebook Friends after we broke up…
The problem one faces when you seriously date someone you are Facebook friends with is that when you break up you are left with two, equally poor, options.
You de-friend the person you were dating so that you don’t inadvertently learn any new information about them through the Facebook News Feed. Additionally de-friending them saves you in the event that you succumb to temptation, and view their page in order to see what they’ve recently posted or if they are dating someone new you, by giving you a fail safe which prevents you from the agony that inevitably results from such actions since you will no longer be able to view their page because you aren’t their Facebook friend any longer.
Drawback to Option #1
If you decide to de-friend the person you recently broke up with there is a strong possibility you will look like the smaller person in the situation and may receive flack about it from mutual friends. De-friending on the surface seems immature and might make it seem to the other person or people with knowledge or your break up that you aren’t handling it well.
You remain friends with then and hope that you enter into a new relationship or post interesting information and pictures to your profile before they do, so you aren’t the one left feeling as though the other person is doing better without you, or doing better than you at that point in time.
Drawback to Option #2
You may inadvertently learn things about the person you broke up with you don’t want to know, which may lead you to feel bad about yourself or fixate on as a result. Information you may not want to know includes that they are dating someone knew, any information that makes it seem like they are doing better than you, or pictures that show them having fun, particularly with mutual friends or at places where you used to have fun together.
In the end there is really no good way to handle this situation, and to some the whole idea behind my past two blogs may seem ridiculous; but I was once in that camp and have through experience come to realize the potential unintentional psychological damage that being Facebook friends with your ex can inflict. Ultimately social media, and specifically Facebook, aren’t going anywhere, therefore we just going to have to adjust to this new aspect of dating, relationships and break ups, as well as the potential consequences or situations that they might present to us.