Dear Rabbi Singer:
I am a young looking 58 and recently divorced; just put my toe in the water. The men who have things in common with me, in my range, 54-68, don’t seem to make the first move. Is it a good thing to “flirt” on JDate if you are sincere? A few men well above my range are “looking” at me, I can diplomatically deal with that.
Also, I think JDate as a whole should remind people talking about exes too soon is a deal breaker. There’s time for that, and we should remember we learn something about love from every relationship. Todah for the wonderful work you do!
I commend you for reentering the world of dating. I’m sure it’s tough, but well worth the effort. You’d think that men in their 50’s and 60’s would be done playing games and be ready to pursue their romantic interests in a direct manner. Unfortunately, not all are. Those are the ones that you don’t want to waste your time getting involved with in the first place.
I’m assuming that you’re looking for a mature man to have a healthy and meaningful relationship with. That kind of man will not be put off by a message from you that lets him know you’re interested in getting to know him. I don’t know of too many men, regardless of age, who will ignore a message from a woman they find attractive, unless they’re not interested in dating at all (in which case they probably wouldn’t be spending time on JDate).
As amazing as the content of your message may be, your potential suitor’s response will depend primarily on your profile, particularly your photo. That’s how guys operate, even when they’re collecting social security. So it’s your job to make your profile and photos as attractive and appealing as you can. Your JDating® success depends on them.
Bottom Line: There’s nothing wrong with contacting or “flirting” with men you’re interested in meeting. They won’t be turned off by your initiative. If they’re interested, and serious, they will respond. Those are the only men you want to meet anyway, right?
Regarding talking about exes, I personally never speak about mine, and I’ve been married for several years! However, I don’t think there are any firm rules about when to talk or not talk about exes. As you said, we learn something about love from every relationship, and sometimes a person might feel the need to discuss those lessons with their current dating partner. Should that discussion happen on a first or second date? Probably not. Maybe never. Think before you speak!
Much Mazal and blessings for success on JDate!