With a large number of female clients in their late 30s and early 40s, I’m constantly faced with the question, “when should I start to think about freezing my eggs?” Modern women are focused on their careers and busy enjoying life when they suddenly look up and realize that their biological clock is running out of batteries. If you haven’t found Mr. Right by age 35, does that automatically mean you should throw in the towel?
My response is usually this: if you can afford to freeze your girls, it offers a Plan B that will give you a peace of mind and take the pressure off wondering if each date could possibly be “The One.” Having an alternate plan is not an admission of failure.
However, sometimes that’s the moment when you need to take a breath and re-examine your online dating plan and ask yourself, am I doing everything that I can right now to find my Prince Charming? Many people often start off the year with a bang and give online dating 110%, but (as with any new resolution) the old ways tend to creep back in by the second quarter of the year. Just because you have a gym membership, that doesn’t mean you’re in shape. Similarly, just because you have a JDate subscription, that doesn’t mean you’re flexing your dating muscles. If this sounds like you, here are my Top 8 Tips for Meeting Someone Special Online:
1. Streamline Your Pics
If you have fewer than three pictures, it looks like you’re hiding something. More than eight on the other hand makes it seem like you being repetitive, and heightens the chance you turn someone off with something they see in one of the photos. Choose your photos wisely. Imagine you are designing a brochure for an exotic destination, and be sure to just show the photos that would make you want to go there. Anything else is a waste of space.
2. Log In Daily
Not only should you log in daily, but you should also consider keeping yourself logged when you are not on the computer. This will make you a more active user and your profile will come up higher in search results.
3. Send More Messages
Don’t worry about the number of messages you send vs. the number you receive. It only takes one right response to be “The Guy.” I ask most of my clients to send between 5 and 10 messages a day.
4. Chat More Often
Try to connect with people who are online when you are. You are more likely to get a reply back if you are online at the same time and someone else is looking for an instant connection.
5. Use Your Tools
In addition to Your Matches on JDate, try to use the Color Code personality test, the Kibitz Corner feature and Jewish speed dating opportunities. If you continue to search the same way month after month, you are going to come up with most of the same people.
6. Put The Spotlight On Yourself
Try putting yourself in the member spotlight. It will boost your chances of being seen. More visibility = more risk of being “seen.” It also means more chances for people to become smitten by you and reach out.
7. Make The Time Now
The hardest thing for my clients to grasp is that they need to set aside time to have “The One” in their life before they meet that person. If you are always working or seeing friends, you may be sending the message that you don’t have the space in your life for a mate. Set aside a few consecutive hours each week that you will eventually use for date nights. Until this person arrives, commit that time to dating yourself. Go to the movies, a museum, even dinner. Once you start to fall in love with yourself, you’re much more likely to have someone else fall in love with you too.
8. Just Say Yes
So often my clients eliminate people for relatively insignificant reasons. If someone shows interest in you, and you find something appealing about them, (even if they aren’t your perfect type) see what happens if you agree to meet them. The results might surprise you.