Have you ever dated a woman whose attitude suddenly changes for the worse? Or been with a guy who starts to play games out of nowhere? Or maybe the person you’re seeing abruptly turns into a rude, mysterious person with no explanation. It happens to the best of us.
As a guy, I’ve often seen these abrupt changes happen with one type of woman more than any other. Namely, “The Serial Dater.” In my opinion, serial daters are some of the most dangerous women online. These are the type of women that play the numbers game and try to go on as many first dates as possible.
While this may seem like a reasonable thing to do in order to find that special someone, it is also a red flag. Why? Because serial daters are often the type of women that are always looking for the next best thing. No guy will ever measure up to their ideal fantasy of what they see on television and in the movies. We can have a good date, but if we didn’t sweep them off their feet like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, it’s just not good enough.
Many of these women will often waste the best years of their lives looking for something that just doesn’t exist, instead of taking the time to actually get to know people that could be a great match! Unlike the movies, in “real life,” most people don’t fall in love after a first date. Nor do they feel an earth-shattering connection after a couple of drinks. Yes, it may happen to some people out there, but more often than not, these are the type of feelings that only occur when we are young teenagers, hopelessly falling in love.
In my humble opinion, the way we fall in love changes as we age. It still happens, and even just as powerfully, but not as instantly. For most adults, feelings of adoration and love take time to develop and we must get to know someone for who they are on several different levels first. As our emotional connections build up, the love builds up as well, and we eventually fall in love. Again, this is not true in all cases, but I believe this is how love works for the majority of adults.
The serial daters out there do not give these feelings time to progress. They just jump to the next email or date if they did not instantly fall in love after a date or two. Eventually many of these misguided serial daters will find themselves in a relationship at some point after dozens or even hundreds of dates, but more often it is because they reach a point where they are exhausted from looking, and just decide to settle because time is ticking!
There are, however, warning signs that can help us to avoid serial daters. For example, pay attention to the stories that your date tells. Sharing bad date stories is fun, but the fun can only go so far. I actually recommend swapping bad date stories when I give online dating advice because it gives you something to bond over, but the key word is still “fun.” If your date endlessly talks about online dating in a way that sounds as if they are frustrated, they probably are! This person could be just another jaded online dater and should be avoided. This is just one of the many signs of an online dater. Stay tuned for more advice about red flags to avoid in my next column!