Dear Rabbi Singer,
I need some advice. I am not getting any interest from men using online dating. I am considering lying about my age to see if that helps… I know honesty is the best policy, but I also want a date!
-Does age matter?
Dear Does Age Matter,
What kind of a rabbi would I be if I gave you permission to lie?
Age does matter to some men and not to others. Same is true of weight, height, and hair color. You can’t control what matters to another person and they can’t control what matters to you. All you can do is be yourself and try to find a man whom likes you for who you really are. The right man for you will be happy with your age.
I understand that the reality of today’s dating scene is that most men are looking for younger women and regardless of how young you might look, when they do an online search based on certain age criteria, you might not show up in the results. I also know that there are plenty of men and women who lie about their age to get themselves included in “younger” searches. While they might end up tricking someone into a first date, they rarely move on from there after getting caught in their lie. Even if they do, a relationship based on an initial lie doesn’t have much hope of success.
If you’re asking me whether you should lie about your age, my answer is no. You don’t want to start a relationship based on a lie. Maybe the reason you’re not getting any dates online has nothing to do with your age? Review your profile photos and essays to make sure they bring out the best in you. You can also download my free e-book on jcoach.com to get some tips on creating a winning online profile.
Be proud of whom you are. The right man will be too.