Dear Rabbi,

Can you please explain to me why men who establish a nice connection with a woman online and ask her out routinely end up canceling the date at the last minute (and don’t reschedule) or fail to call as promised to complete making the date “arrangements” or outright stand the woman up on a fully planned date?  This happens on this site as well as other dating sites.  I am completely baffled, particularly with the consistency with which it happens.  Can you shed some light?




Dear Mandy,

There are many reasons why a man might flirt with you but be unwilling to actually meet you, and I’ll list some of them in a minute. But before I do, please understand that it really doesn’t matter why. If he was interested in exploring a relationship with you he would follow through on his advances. The fact that he didn’t means that he’s not interested.

Don’t waste precious time and emotional and mental energy trying to figure out why. Instead, take your positive energy and use it meet a man who is interested in getting involved with you. Believe me, if he’s interested he will let nothing stand in his way. That’s how serious men operate.

The guys who flirt and then flake are the same guys who try to hook up with you at a party and then never call you again. They’re looking for the thrill of the chase, the challenge of the conquest, and not for the commitment and monogamy of a relationship.

I promised you some reasons why he didn’t follow through:

1. He’s married or in a relationship (hard to believe, right?)

2. He’s not interested in a relationship with anyone, but he enjoys flirting.

3. He’s got serious mental problems.

4. He’s just a plain, old fashioned, jerk.

Enough?? Consider yourself lucky to have avoided these time wasters and continue your search for a mentsch who’ll treat right.

Keep the faith!



Rabbi Arnie Singer dated for 15 years before meeting his Bashert. He is currently a dating and relationship coach in Manhattan and the founder of


  1. excellent, thank you for this!

  2. Schadenfreudian

    The stuff that passes for wisdom…

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