Shalom Rabbi,

I am a 53-year-old woman and have two wonderful sons (ages 16 and 21) who live with me. Two years ago, after 28 years of marriage, my ex and I divorced. We have done a really good job of staying good co-parents and I believe have shown our sons how best to resolve conflict with honor, caring and love.

I have recently started dating, and though I’m not even close to thinking about marriage, I do miss the wonderful joy of connecting to a man. I am ready for a committed relationship.

My question: It has been over thirty years since I have dated and things have changed a lot. Is it appropriate for me to contact a man that I first notice on JDate? Or does that send the wrong message?

Thank You!
-Confused In Colorado

 

Dear Confused,

I am sorry to hear about your divorce. Having been through that myself, I always say that even when it is the best choice, it is difficult. How wonderful it is that you and your ex-husband have set a good model for your sons.

One of nice things about JDate is that you are free to contact anyone of your choosing. This is true for men and for women. It is completely appropriate for you to send a communication to a man signaling your interest in connecting. I would suggest by starting with something brief – a hello and a reference to something in his profile that caught your attention. One or two sentences would be plenty to begin. If he is interested, he will get back with you and you can take it from there. If you don’t hear back, then you can move on. It is also fine to send a communication to more than one man at a time, as we never know which connection will evolve.

I wish you success in your endeavor of finding a loving relationship.

To ask Rabbi Damsky a question, email myrabbi@jdate.com.

Rabbi Robin Damsky is the spiritual leader of West Suburban Temple Har Zion in River Forest, IL, wsthz.org, and is co-author of Find Fulfill Flourish, a book to help you find a life of meaning, purpose and fulfillment, at findfulfillflourish.com.

3 Comments

  1. Sharon Doniger

    I am a widow who was married for 34 years and I too am trying to navigate the dating scene. The things you wondered about are also the things I wonder about. Is it better to send a note or should you send a flirt?

  2. Jonathan Angress

    As a 24 year old male and someone who may not be too experienced in dating, but definitely knows what the current fads are…especially among high schoolers and new college students (I have a 16 year old sister), I can tell you that many women still prefer the traditional approach of a man initiating contact and making the first move. At the same time, there are just as many women out there who have no problem contacting a man first, or asking a man out, or even initiating a first kiss.

    With that being said, as a younger male, I can tell you from experience that I definitely prefer when the woman makes the first move. Men are extremely insecure, even though they put on a front of being confident and sure of themselves. The truth is, men would definitely like it if women made the first move.

    I should mention that perhaps my words should be taken with a grain of salt. I am not a normal 24 year old…I tend to be an old soul and traditionally minded in regards to a select few things. As a result of this, I tend to be attracted to women who are quite older than myself (30+).

  3. Shalom
    Rabbi,
    I have questions and concerns about how did the uncircumcised or non-Jew men get scriptures from Torah when making another book calling it, the Holy Bible? In ancient Judaism, is it not forbidden for non-Jews to touch, read, or have these scriptures in another book mixed with another religion or faith?
    Here is an example:
    Original Torah Isaiah9:5, For a child has been born to us, a son given to us, and the authority is upon his shoulder, and the wondrous adviser, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, called his name, “the prince of peace”.
    Holy Bible Isaiah9:6,For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
    Also how is it that there are counterfeit Torahs with same scriptures from Holy Bible infiltrating into Synagogues of Jews?
    My testimony is that the one true living God of the Hebrews and His Machiach brought me out both physically and spiritually from these false teachings of the one true living God of the Hebrews and His Mashiach.
    I am the witness with a testimony in seeing Daniel 8:11; Ezek8:3&5!
    I have asked other Rabbis but no answer yet. Hoping I may get an answer soon from the Rabbis. One true living God came to me. I did not come to him. He showed me the truth and He spiritually circumcised me by His Spirit through His Mashiach. Now I study original Torah on Chabad.org and encourage, persuade, and show truth to others we must repent, turn to correct words of prophecy in the original Torah, seek God in prayer daily because prophecy Joel 3:1-2 is coming where one true living God will open the eternal gate in heaven and pour out His Spirit upon all flesh in the land of the living. then comes to pass Hab2:14, For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord-as the water covers the seabed.
    This is Jer31:32-33, For this is the covenant that I will form with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will place My law in their midst and I will inscribe it upon their hearts, and I will be their God and they shall be My people.
    And no longer shall one teach his neighbor or [shall] one [teach] his brother, saying, “Know the Lord,” for they shall all know Me from their smallest to their greatest, says the Lord, for I will forgive their iniquity and their sin I will no longer remember.
    Original TorahIsaiah11:9, They shall neither harm nor destroy on all My holy mount, for the land shall be full of knowledge of the Lord as water covers the sea bed.
    Original TorahIsaiah59:19, And from the west they shall fear the name of the Lord, and from the rising of the sun, His glory, for distress shall come like a river; the spirit of the Lord is wondrous in it.
    The non-Jewish religious organizations are reading Isaiah 59:19, So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.
    Which is clearly incorrect words of prophecy.
    Continue with Original Torah Isaiah59:19
    Then once prophecy Joel3:1-2 comes to pass then comes “End of Days” Joel3:3-5.
    Daniel 12:1, Now at that time, Michael, the great prince, who stands over the children of your people, will be silent, and it will be a time of distress that never was since a nation existed until that time, and at that time, your people will escape, everyone who is found inscribed in the book.
    Daniel 12:10, They will be clarified and whitened, and many will be purified, and the wicked will pervert [them], and all the wicked will not understand, but the wise will understand.
    Daniel 12:12-13, Fortunate is he who waits and reaches “days” of one thousand, three hundred, and thirty-five.
    And you, go to the end, and you will rest and rise to your lot (Ps16:10;Ps30:4) at the “end of the days”.”
    Let me just point out that we have a grave situation today of non-Jewish religious organizations for over 2000 years have been filling the earth by proclaiming, teaching and believing incorrect words of prophecy from Holy Bible Old Testament scriptures which came from the Torah but for some reason there are two versions of prophecy from the same prophet and the only difference is by a few correct words missing and a few different words added into the scriptures.
    Then you have Isaiah9:5 vs. Isaiah9:6 which looks to me someone just switch the wording around then put it into another book to discourage the people from the original Torah writings.
    Coincidence? I don’t think so….
    I am also concerned of this information of a Rabbi answers questions about the Torah in detail when it comes to different Torah texts or versions.
    Question:
    Are there differences in Torah texts (apart from differences in spelling like how colour which is in UK English is spelled as color in US English which is almost insignificant and trivial)? Are there paraphrases or different versions of Torah texts in the Hebrew or is it that the words in the Hebrew Torah are the exact same words that that God dictated to Moses?
    Answer:
    Definitely not. The Torah text is not only word for word but even letter by letter identical in all of the ancient and modern Hebrew Torah scrolls of all of the various Jewish communities, despite the fact that the Yemenite (Asia), Ashkenazic (western) and Sefaradic (far eastern) communities were separated from each other on 3 different continents for almost 2,000 years (with only individual spelling differences that can be counted on one hand, e.g. “daka” (Dvarim 23, 2) being written with a silent heh or a silent aleph at the end).
    There is no “paraphrasing” whatsoever, and the text is unchanged since dictated to Moses 3,’700 years ago. This is due not only to Divine providence, but also to the ingenious sofrim (literally: “counters”) system who’s job is to count each and every letter in every scroll, and if even the most minor mistake is found, “the scroll is deemed un-kosher and forbidden to read in public until that letter is fixed by an ordained scribe.”
    Please confirm if this information about the Rabbi explaining different Torah texts or versions pertaining to Torah if this is accurate.
    I look forward to hearing from a Rabbi with answers of my questions and concerns. Thank you
    Sincerely,
    Deborah

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