Dear Rabbi Singer,
When I first joined JDate in late November, I began to see a pattern where I would have great, positive contact with several guys — but they would not ask me out! Or, they would ask me out, but the date or “meet” would not happen.
A meeting would always be discussed, but there were issues of drive time, schedules, etc. Yet, during this time, these guys would call, text, and IM constantly, which would wear me out and frustrate me!
My gut instinct is that if a man is interested in you, he moves towards you. However, the constant communication baffled me because they seemed interested.
Dear Baffled Dater,
Your gut instinct is correct! I don’t mean to sound happy about it, but I do feel good that you understand the most fundamental element that every woman must understand about the men they are hoping to date: when a man is serious about dating you, he will do whatever it takes to do just that. He will want to see you as soon as possible. He will travel to see you. He will call you in advance to set up the date. He will then call you the day after to tell you he had a great time and to ask you out again.
If he’s not doing these things, he’s not serious about dating you. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a kick out of flirting with you, and if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve hit the jackpot. But if you are looking for a man to have a serious relationship with you, stop enabling these jokers by responding to their meaningless calls, texts and excuses. End your frustration once and for all — find a man who is serious about dating YOU.
Rabbi Arnie Singer offers dating and relationship advice on both of his sites: Jcoach.com and ItoIdo.com. He is the author of From I to I Do: How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Mr. Right.