Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
I have been on and off JDate and sometimes it feels like no one wants to talk to me. I’m not sitting around waiting for men to message me. I’m putting myself out there and messaging them, but not a single one responds when I send a short personal message or a Flirt. It feels like I’m blacklisted in my city after having gone out with a few guys, and now they have gone and told their friends to stay away. Any advice?
— Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Dear Stay or Go:
I’m not sure what city you are living in, so I don’t know how big of a “pool” we are talking about. In small communities, you may have a harder time meeting Jewish men because you have fewer options.
You don’t give me any reason to believe men are negatively gossiping about you. However, if you can think of a reason why there would be negative gossip, you need to be honest with yourself and address it. If you can’t think of any reason for gossip, then I don’t think that’s it.
I dated on JDate for seven years, and most of my guy friends refuse to believe this fact, but it’s true: Most men I wrote on dating sites did not write me back. So, you are not alone in your experience!
However, if men truly never respond to your profile or to your messages, then that tells me there is something “off” in your profile, or in the words/tone you are using when you approach people. Have a good friend – an honest friend – look over your profile and give you some feedback. In fact, have several people read your profile and give you an assessment.
If you have been on JDate for a while, taking a one-week break CAN be a good idea. First of all, you don’t want to look like you are “always” available. Also, most sites have a feature where it highlights profiles that have been newly created. So, it may benefit you to leave for a week and then come back with a new profile. If you do this, you will likely get bumped into the “new” queue where you may attract some fresh readers.
Also, today is always a good day to re-invent yourself. Pick up that new hobby you’ve always wanted to try and preferably make it a social hobby (like bowling) rather than an isolating hobby (like knitting).You can also take up a new activity in your area with the help of groups like Meetup.com, which aren’t singles sites, but do match people with common interests for outings.
Also take this time to spruce up your physical appearance — perhaps a fresh haircut and some flattering new photos. There isn’t a man alive who will complain that his date is too attractive.
With some new friends, new hobbies and new social outlets, you may just find that you have a whole new you to show the world!
— The Matchmaker Rabbi
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