I have known this man for years and he has always liked me. However, I’m not attracted to him. My problem is that I know if I was to give him a chance, he would treat me right. He would take care of me.
I have gone through many relationships where I was treated badly. I truly wish I could find someone who will treat me right. Now that I’ve found him, I’m just not into him.
The problem is he can’t completely keep up with me intellectually. When I speak of literature, history, or even politics, he has a blank look on his face. Still, I am attracted to his personality. It’s his looks mainly that I have a hard time with. I know that it’s shallow and superficial, but it’s how I feel.
I’m caught between being treated like I know I deserve and having physical attraction. I do love his big heart and his personality in general. I do want to give him a chance. But if it doesn’t work out, I don’t want to hurt him because he is a dear friend. I also don’t want to miss this chance if he could be the one I need.
Please help me. I don’t know what to do.
Attraction is a requirement in any romantic relationship. The level of that attraction is a matter of personal preference. I’ve seen attraction sprout in the most unlikely situations. In your case, since you’ve known this man for many years and are very close with him, I’m guessing that if attraction was going to appear, it would have done so already.
But relationships are very personal matters that grow out of personal decisions. The person you find attractive is not always a good relationship partner. So when entering into a relationship, you need to analyze and weigh many factors before deciding whether to enter into it or not. Under certain circumstances a person might enter into a relationship that in different circumstances they would not have. A 25-year-old woman will base her decision on different factors than a 45-year-old woman.
If having the loving companionship of a man you care for is more important for you at your stage of life than your level of attraction to him, then you should base your decision on that. If you’re willing to roll the dice and continue your search, then you should be guided by that. Decide what your priorities are in a relationship and follow them… as well as your heart.
If you decide to try and make a relationship work with this man, then go all out and do your best. If it doesn’t end up working out, you won’t have anything to feel guilty about. You might end up losing him as a friend if things don’t work out, but that’s the price you pay for the chance to find love. Better to have loved and lost…
If you’re not prepared to put in the effort to really make the relationship work, then you probably should remain great friends and find a man you are ready to love.