If you’ve purchased a single ticket to High Holy Days services again this year, you might be more focused on your singlehood at this point than on your sins. Interestingly, the two are somewhat interrelated. Did you know that “chet” – the Hebrew word for sin – actually comes from archery? Committing a sin is seen as “missing the mark.” So if cupid’s arrow still hasn’t made it to your heart, here are five ways to date with a clean slate in the year 5775.
1. Take Aim
When I ask my date coaching clients about their dating strategy, I’m often met by blank stares. Singles approach their professional and business matters with focus; they set goals for themselves and use a support team, but when it comes to romance, everyone dreams their Beshert will just fall in their lap. Try to actually set a target this year by clearly defining who you would like to meet, then create a strategy that will give you the best possibility of finding that person.
2. Forgive Your Dating Sins of Last Year
The “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” soundtrack playing in your head after failed relationships and false starts can stop your love life before it even begins. Take stock of the things you did that stopped yourself from finding true love last year, then commit to do something different when the same situation arises this year, and move on.
3. Let Go of Past Relationships
One of my clients who has been out of a short-term relationship for nearly a year is concerned the reason she’s not head over heels for a new guy is because she might still be in love with her ex. Don’t give your past that sort of power over your future. If you are constantly comparing new dates to your positive memories of your ex (often forgetting the negative ones), the new boo will never be able to live up to your expectations.
4. Be Open to Change and Compromise
If you’re so in love with your lifestyle and see no shortcomings in your own personality, then you might as well get your wool and start spinning. Spinster jokes aside, relationships are about compromise; if you’re not willing to give up your nights out with the girls or tell the boss you need to leave early for a personal engagement (date night), you’re going to have a hard time forming a connection with someone who is willing to give up their fantasy football and TV dinners for you.
5. Love Yourself First
It’s most important to love yourself before you share your love with another. If you’ve had a hard year in relationships, take a moment to feed your soul and nourish yourself with the things that make you smile. Hopping from relationship to relationship can lead to your mate having to fill the holes you should be shoring up yourself. Tackle your biggest fears, explore your fantasies, and date yourself first so you can feel whole and refreshed the next time you shoot your archer’s bow.