I’m feeling a little hopeless and any advice would be a godsend. I paid for a JDate membership not long ago and began emailing people like crazy. I put thought into the emails, making sure to include bits that caught my eye from their profiles and keeping a light, conversational tone. I see when someone has opened the email, and they go on to look at my profile, but no one responds!
I’m not sure whether it’s my profile, or whether I’m simply not attractive enough to email the people I’ve been emailing. I suspect part of the problem has to do with the fact that I’m a 5’2” guy, but I’ve emailed enough women so that at least a few should respond, all else being equal.
-Short & Sweet
Dear Short & Sweet,
All else is not equal, unfortunately, but that doesn’t mean your height should be a problem. Lucky for you, Jewish women are not exactly known for their stature. In fact, the generalization is that the majority of us are petite – good things come in small packages, right?
The secret to being a happy shorty (or a baldy, or having a schnauz, or being zaftig, or whatever physically interesting trait one has), is to embrace it and find some humor in it. Own it. Remember “Fat Amy” in the movie Pitch Perfect? She called herself “fat” before someone else had the chance. It’s like that – addressing it up front minimizes any possible impact. You can even steal one of the puns I’ve used here for yourself. Once you’ve put it out there, it takes it out of the equation.
That said, what – or who – you’re looking for may be impacting your success on JDate. Some women will have no problem with a man their height or even a bit shorter, but I encourage you to seek women shorter than you – and I promise you there’s plenty of Jewish women under 5’2”! You can even mention in your profile that you believe the shorter the girl, the sexier she is, because chances are, the five-foot-tall woman is just as aware of her (lack of) height as you are about yours.
If it gives you a sense of comfort, all of my guy friends under 5’6” have all found women their height or shorter and are now married. And none of them had a *ahem* shortage of women to date. So now that your suspicions of height being the problem have been exhausted, let’s address the rest of your email.
Attraction is subjective, everybody is somebody’s type, so don’t put too much emphasis on your looks – or whether or not someone thinks you’re attractive enough. There are women who will find you attractive and not even think twice about your height. And since dating is a numbers game, then you just have to keep doing what you’re doing sending thoughtful emails.
Review your profile and your emails again, and make sure you’re not coming across too eager or too aggressive. Additionally, make sure you’re not choosing to mention tidbits of information from your prospect’s profiles in your emails that are too obvious. Does the woman have stunning blue eyes? Then mention her glowing smile. Discuss the fun things you have in common and ask her a question pertaining to one of those commonalities. At this point, don’t put any pressure on her to accept a date or provide her phone number, simply make the connection. And keep that email short and sweet.