I just read a checklist of things to learn to have a lasting relationship by Tim Hoch and it is brilliant. There are 50 items, but each is short and sweet. Here’s a selection of my favorites — the ones you need to remember while you’re looking for prospects, on a date, in a relationship and beyond.
1. Burn your Blueprint
Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. They’re not helping. There is no script, so don’t be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked.
If you still have the same desires, opinions and beliefs at age 50 that you did at age 25, that’s your own damn fault. You will not, and should not, be the same person you were then.
10. Develop Your Own Interests
It seems counter-intuitive, but you will enhance your relationship when you pursue your separate interests.
12. Don’t Keep Score
I know a couple who keeps track of the number of times each partner completes a household chore. Don’t do this. It’s exhausting. And childish.
15. Admit When You’re Wrong (Even, On Occasion, When You Aren’t)
This is both the easiest and hardest thing to do on this list. But this simple gesture will pay immeasurable dividends; it will help you grow and it’s just the right thing to do.
32. Know You Are Equals
It doesn’t matter which one of you makes the most money. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the better REO Speedwagon vinyl collection. It doesn’t matter which one of you has the best nickname. It doesn’t even matter which one of you has the coolest food allergy.
39. Take Pride in Your Appearance
Your marriage license doesn’t give you a free pass to always wear sweat pants and T-shirts.
44. Don’t Be Petty
So I forgot to stop at the store to get your prescription. Did you have to throw away my ceramic cactus shot glass holder?
50. Adapting Beats Abandoning
There will be moments when you want to quit, walk out, or give up. You can do that. But you will probably be doing so without giving due consideration to the new life that awaits you. Will you be better off in six months? Will you be better off in 10 years?
For the complete list, click here.
Purchase Tamar’s book How to Woo a Jew now! Get it online and in bookstores everywhere.