Ellen Fein and Sherie Schnieder, authors of The Rules, are back! The women who wrote some of the most popular and infamous dating books of the 90’s are coming out with a modern-take on dating called Not Your Mother’s Rules, which hits bookstores in February of 2013. I recently caught up with Ellen and Sherrie to see if they could share a few of their favorite tips!
Avi: What are your most important tips for online dating?
E&S: Don’t answer a guy’s ad, and post a light and breezy ad talking about interests, hobbies, favorite foods, books, movies, etc. Don’t mention anything about dreams and regrets and include a couple of sexy photos. If a guy doesn’t ask you out within 4 emails, next! Rules girls are looking for dates, not pen pals. We also advise women to “wait as long as you can” before having sex. We are not prudish, just careful!
Avi: Have The Rules changed at all since the 90’s when the book first appeared?
E&S: No and yes. No, because women — despite equal pay for equal work — cannot chase a guy like they can chase a career without possibly getting hurt and dumped. Men have a type/look and love a challenge, so it is a waste of time and doesn’t work whether you are in 1950, 1990, or 2012.
Yes, new technology (such as texting, Facebook®, Skype™ and Twitter) has made it harder to be mysterious, so we had to rewrite the first book for the new generation. It’s called Not Your Mother’s Rules and it will be out in February of 2013.
Avi: In your book The Rules for Online Dating, you make it clear that under all circumstances, the man should contact the woman first. Are there any exceptions?
E&S: No exceptions. A woman cannot email, or even wink at a guy’s profile, without becoming the aggressor and possibly getting hurt down the line when the guy dumps her for the woman whose profile he really likes. The only way to be sure that a guy is interested is to let him make the first move. If you have something exceptional in common, he has to notice that, and contact you first. The rare exception we have found is when a woman “beats a guy to the punch” by answering his ad first and later finds out that he was about to answer hers, but hadn’t gotten around to it. This is very rare and nothing we recommend.
Avi: Should a woman view a man’s online profile anonymously? Should a woman add a man to her “Favorite’s List” or “Hot List?”
E&S: It’s fine for him to see that she has viewed his profile, as long as she doesn’t mention she has read it! (Do not refer to it by saying something like, “oh, you said you like the Knicks, so do I”!) Also, she shouldn’t add him to her favorite’s list as that is a dead giveaway of interest.
Avi: One of the more famous Rules says one should “Never call men and rarely return their calls.” I truly believe that men in under age 30 (because of instant gratification via technology) won’t call back if you neglect to return their calls. Do you agree or disagree?
E&S: Disagree. If you don’t call back, a guy will try again by calling, texting, emailing, or Instant Messaging you. In the beginning of the relationship, it is best not to call back as calling shows a lot of interest. You can text or email back that you got his message and are having a crazy, busy day so he knows you are interested. Guys are surprisingly resourceful and will call again or figure out another avenue of technology to reach you.
Avi: Do Jewish women need The Rules more than other women? 😉
E&S: Every woman needs The Rules. The Rules are universal and our first book was translated into 27 languages, proving that men and women are the same worldwide. But yes, Jewish women might need The Rules more because our Jewish culture is very traditional. We are both Jewish and very traditional–we believe in love/marriage, and then babies! The Rules do insure the proper order– there’s no trapping men into marriage with a pregnancy. We have old-fashioned values (family first, Friday night dinners, etc.) that are all built around having a traditional lifestyle, The Rules fits in perfectly.
