Don’t Shoot Yourself In The Foot

Myth: There are no good single men or women out there.

Truth: There are plenty of good singles out there and you only need one. You just have to get out of your own way – and go out of your way – to find one.

The Scarlett O’Hara “tomorrow is another day” school of time management is particularly prominent in the area of love. Tomorrow may be another day, but why waste today with someone who is not right for you? Some people waste months, years, even decades, with the wrong person, and had they been honest with themselves, they probably would have seen the signs from the very beginning.

It’s easy for people to feel like they have all the time in the world when it comes to dating. And while no one actually runs out of time to fall in love and get married, it’s easy to develop situational depression when you feel you are out of time. So, please don’t even have another cup of coffee with someone you know deep down is wrong for you.

If you’re ever ended a relationship by saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” you may not mean it. You might even be thinking, “You have such a terrifying temper, a rabid dog would be more inviting,” or “You’re so controlling, I can’t even take a shower without you pacing outside the door.” But no matter how objectionable he or she may be, you are still the problem. You can make all of the excuses you want for why you’re not already living happily with your dream partner, and blame your failed relationships on past lovers. But when it comes down to it, you’re single because of you, not because there aren’t enough marriage-worthy people in the world, or because no one is good enough, or even because everyone you date always turns out to be crazy. Perhaps your expectations are too high, or maybe you choose people you know will help create a train wreck because you’re afraid of commitment.

We all have an amazing capacity for creative avoidance, and most of us cherish our favorite delusions. I’ve seen some impossible-to-please amorophobics (people pathologically fearful of love) dig some really deep holes for themselves using everything from an obnoxious demeanor to homeless-looking couture. These commitment-phobics may doubt their ability to find, create, and maintain loving relationships, but they may not recognize they’ve been getting in their own way! But it doesn’t have to be like this for you.

Find out if you are wasting valuable time and energy when you could be using that time to meet your dream mate by answering “Yes” or “No” to each of the following questions below:

QUIZ: Are You a Time Waster?

1. Have you stayed in a relationship just because you wanted to avoid the breakup?

2. Have you dated people you knew were wrong for you because you thought, “It’s better to date someone than no one at all?”

3. Have you ever rekindled a flame with an ex-lover out of boredom or desperation?

4. Do you spend more time thinking about your past relationships than what you want out of a future relationship?

5. Have you ever agreed to a date you did not want to go on because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings?

6. Have you ever agreed to a second or third date because you were too uncomfortable to say no?

If you answered yes to two or more of the questions above, you need to forget Mr. or Ms. Right Now, and instead be willing to be single and dating. It’s time to put your effort into finding the Mr. or Ms. Right for you!

Time wasting is a stumbling block we consciously or quasi-consciously put in our paths. It prevents success in love, or at least slows down the process (sometimes to a glacial speed). By spending time with anyone we know we don’t want to date seriously, momentum is lost and the reward of a healthy relationship is harder to gain.