As an online dating coach, I’ve heard singles say they just didn’t feel like “doing the work anymore” more than I’ve heard my 3-year-old ask the question, “Why?” If you signed on to an online dating site with the expectation that cuties would flock to your profile, but now have found yourself without any options, you’re not alone. This is why I tell my clients, “Date like it’s your job!”
So, what would you do at work if the pay sucked, you didn’t get along with your colleagues and you felt like calling in sick all the time? Quit? No! You’d kick yourself in the tuchas and keep going. Here are four great ways to stoke your online dating fire if it’s starting to burnout.
1. If You Never Get Responses to Your Emails…
An average response rate for most online daters is about 10 to 20 in my experience. This means you have to send 10 messages to get just one or two responses in return. So, if you only send a couple messages a week, you’re statistically only getting a fraction of a reply (read: none).
Rather than pouring your heart and soul into every email, try sending short, specific notes that comment on what you saw in the person’s profile and a question that they would feel compelled to respond to. You can send more messages in less time, and increase your reply rate instantly.
2. If People View Your Profile, But Don’t Send Messages…
Don’t assume you’re an unattractive schlub! You just might not be putting your best foot forward online. Swap out your pictures with shots that tell your unique story. Not only will you come up higher in searches when you refresh your profile pictures more often, but daters who overlooked you before might see you in a new light as well!
3. If You Don’t See Anyone You Like…
It seems like everyone’s online these days. In fact, 89% of single Jews say they know someone who met their significant other online, according to a survey taken by Spark Networks. So, if you say you just can’t find anyone you’re attracted to, perhaps you’re being too selective?
Expand your search criteria by one year of age, one inch in height, or 10 more miles and see what you get. Then take the time to actually read a few profiles, not just scan member pictures. You might be surprised by who sparks your interest when you’re ‘checking them out’ on a deeper level.
4. If You Have Countless First Dates, But No Second Dates…
Feeling disappointed by having continual introductory conversations that never progress into anything more is perfectly normal and common. Having met my husband online, I can say that online dating is basically an exercise in first dates.
Take the pressure off of yourself to find “The One” and look at each person and each date individually. Tell yourself you are just there to hear someone’s story, not to evaluate a future spouse – and that anything else is just a bonus. You’ll find that your perspective on first dates might change. It could even become (gulp) FUN.
Online dating can be overwhelming if you’re focused on the goal rather than the moment. While I help my clients create a plan to find their man, dwelling on the ultimate hope of finding a husband can make dating feel like drudgery.
If you’re stuck in a dating rut, ask yourself, “What is just one thing I can do today to be proactive and change my outlook?” Perhaps it’s sending one message to someone who caught your eye online, or asking a friend for an introduction to a fella you’ve admired from afar. Do one more small thing tomorrow and do it each subsequent day until your perspective (or your options) shift. You can’t finish the race if you quit moving so, even if you slowly pace yourself, you will eventually reach your destination if you just keep going.
Dear Mrs D is a contributor to JDATE. See more of Dear Mrs D's articles here.
