Your excellent profile, photos, and introduction letters have now paid off. You found a girl/guy that has piqued your interest, and you have been emailing back and forth for a while. That led to a couple of phone calls and now the two of you have planned your first date. However, let’s discuss a few things before you go out.
Movies are never a good idea because there is little, if any, conversation involved. Parties are also bad ideas because there is too much going on and you can’t properly focus on the other person. It is best to arrange to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee where the conversation can flow freely. Try to keep the first date short, sweet and casual. Meet at a restaurant or hotel bar for a drink and keep the conversation very light. Despite it being your first date, try not to ask rapid-fire questions like they are coming out of a machine gun. You want to avoid the date becoming an interview.
A short first date is always best. It allows both parties to get a little taste of what the other person is all about without committing a lot of time and money. There is plenty of time in the future should the two of you decide to meet for another date. However, for now, just keep the date very casual.
It is always best to avoid discussing contentious topics. Never talk about politics or controversial subjects. Avoid talking about yourself too much. Hey, you already know about yourself, make your date more comfortable by allowing him/her to talk about him/herself. I know it sounds wrong, but people actually feel as if they know people better than they actually do, and like them more than they should, when their date allows them to talk more about him/herself.
A guy will know whether he likes the girl much sooner than the girl will know if she likes the guy. Guys are far more visual than women and know very quickly, oftentimes within a minute, if he wants to pursue this woman. On the other hand, the woman usually takes much longer to decide if she likes the guy. Both guys and girls should be aware of this as they go through the evening.
When the date is ending, the guy has already made up his mind on whether or not he wants to see this woman again. The woman, unless the guy is a complete bore, still might not have decided. The guy is now left with two options. Should he want to see his date again, he should tell her right then and there. He can say something like, “I enjoyed meeting you and would like to see you again. Can I call you?” However, should he decide that he doesn’t want to see her again, he should simply say, “I enjoyed meeting you.” A guy should never say, “I will call you.” When a guy does that, the woman is going to expect the guy to call. The parting after the first date is very difficult and awkward. A guy should not make it worse by telling her he will call again.
No matter what happens on the date, it is important to part on good terms. You will invariably run into this person again at some party or event. You don’t want them telling their friends that you were a jerk or promised to call and didn’t. Remember, while this date might not work out, they might have friends that are a better fit for you.
Brad Berkowitz is a contributor to JDATE. See more of Brad Berkowitz's articles here.
