For most of us, the reality of dating includes an unfortunate, seemingly inevitable bad experience that leads us to question our own judgment and wonder how we arrived at this moment in the first place. Utilizing an online data app might be scary especially if you’ve been burned in the past, however, the lessons we learn from these instances actually help us to discover what we truly expect and desire from a partner, which can be noted and applied going forward on future dates.
Not every bad date is this bad, but there are five cues that let you know when your date is truly bombing:
1. Screen Time
If your date is spending more time checking their phone or watching the TV over the bar, then things are probably not going very well. Your date’s attention shouldn’t be anywhere but on you. If you have kids, you might need to have your phone handy; in these cases, it’s best to use the “Do Not Disturb” setting so that your phone will only ring for numbers associated with your children. And another tip: don’t schedule dates when there is any sort of sports-related playoff or championship game on the television. This helps to eliminate possible excuses for your date’s distraction.
2. Lackluster Q&A
If the conversation is very one-sided, this date is a bomb waiting to explode. Warning signs include one-word answers to your questions and a date who doesn’t ask you any questions in return. This demonstrates a clear lack of interest in learning more about you or sharing more about themselves, both of which make for a bad pairing.
3. Touchy Topics
If the conversation has veered into awkward territory with no end in sight, your date is headed down the drain. Someone who wants to tell you all about their exes or their past horrid dates clearly doesn’t know their first date etiquette. Even worse is a date who uses obscene language or discusses inappropriate topics that make you uncomfortable. If this happens, feel free to cut the date short.
4. No Touching
If there’s no intimacy – as in no eye contact and no brief touches – then it’s not a good sign that your date is feeling any sexual attraction to you. Sure, some people are shy. But if you try to send out those positive body language signals and get nothing in return, then the date’s a dud.
5. Sex Sells
That said, if your date becomes overly flirtatious and sexually inappropriate, there’s a pretty good chance that they are looking to just hook-up and nothing more. If you’re on board with that idea, cool; otherwise, it is incredibly off-putting. Sometimes a date bombs but there’s enough sexual attraction that you may want to have some fun – no judgment here! But if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s time to say sayonara to a poorly matched meet-up.
Signs of a bad date can present themselves in a variety of ways, ranging anywhere from a lack of mutual interests to character flaws or even just simple awkwardness throughout the exchange. It’s important to learn how to identify these faults, understand what they mean in context with the overall situation, and maybe even take away some positives after all. Here are a few ways you can recognize signs the date went bad, and what to do if they happen to you.
Recognizing Red Flags on a First Date
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a red flag as being a “warning signal or sign” that something is amiss and needs to be addressed. On a date, red flags can be both verbal or non-verbal and usually present themselves quickly rather than just happening to come to your attention toward the end of the meeting.
Poor Behavior
When someone exhibits bad character or poor manners, they usually do so often and unknowingly, taking little notice of how their actions and behavior are affecting others around them. Even if it’s not directed at you while you’re on the date, these red flags may show themselves through rude treatment of staff, lack of table etiquette, or general actions that disrespect you or those in the surrounding establishment.
Luckily, poor behavior is something that can be corrected, but you should have a certain expectation of qualities in mind before dating. Signs a date went well usually come with no indication of bad behavioral characteristics, and if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or hesitant about whether or not a second date is warranted, you may just be put off by their lack of consideration in general.
If you feel the other person has redeemable qualities deep down, you can bring this issue up when offering an evaluation of your first date experience. However, this will obviously be a subjective decision, and sometimes a bad first impression can be a lasting one.
Opposing Values
Realizing that your core beliefs, interests, and lifestyle values do not align is easily one of the hardest obstacles to overcome on a first date. Touchy subjects like religion, politics, or other controversial issues that are tied to a person’s larger outlook on life can be a point of contention, and while you should be getting to know each other in this instance, arguing over an insurmountable subject can easily lead the date to bomb very quickly.
Cultural hot-button topics aren’t the only matters that have an effect on opposing values, either. Professional and future personal goals, ambition to start a family, and overall interests and hobbies can all determine how compatible your individual lifestyles actually are. If little to none of these prospects are similar, there’s really no viability in pursuing the relationship further.
Lack of Connection
While sounding obvious on its face, lacking a connection or spark on the first date isn’t as detrimental as the previous examples and is certainly common. However, while this can be as simple as awkward silence or remote communication failing to translate to real life, you can still overcome this situation if there is a genuine attraction between both parties, as well as mutual interests.
On the other hand, if the person you’re on a date with fails to engage, be inquisitive, or even just shows a lack of wanting to be there at all, you will need to be wary of how you proceed going forward. Dating is something most of us put a lot of work into, and no one enjoys their time being wasted or their efforts to be there going unappreciated. If someone appears to be checked out from the very beginning, it’s likely a red flag indicating they’re unserious, selfish, or both.
Unveiling Common First Date Mishaps
Signs the date went bad may have unveiled themselves before it even started, beginning with a lack of planning for the occasion. If there’s no clear-cut itinerary or focus, and timeliness is not emphasized, both parties can begin to feel disengaged before the date even arrives. On the other hand, if you have an insightful discussion and land on a meeting place that you both are excited about, it’s far more likely that you’ll both be immersed in the date.
Uncertainty about the outlook of this interaction usually results in nerves for at least one or both individuals, and this is why good communication beforehand is essential when lining up a successful date with someone. If you’re able to hit it off through your initial introduction and messaging endeavors, you’ll likely have arrived at similar interests, and potentially both know a place you’ll equally enjoy and will be able to get to know each other better.
The more comprehensive communication you have prior to your first date, the more prepared you’ll both be for the moment. If things go awry and certain aspects don’t play out the way you had hoped, addressing these awkward circumstances can be easier when you have previous context to turn to from prior conversations.
Turning Awkward Moments into Opportunities
As we mentioned earlier, signs of a bad date don’t have to go down as wasted time or effort. There will always be takeaways that can help you grow individually, and sometimes making comments about the other person’s behavior or making them feel comfortable by attempting to break them out of their shell can be ways to save a situation.
Using humor or making lighthearted jokes can be an easy way to either deflect awkward comments or point out strange mannerisms, and sometimes simply being open with your date in the moment can bring attention to their shortcomings, whether you intend to see them again or not. This advice may be heeded immediately, and if they acknowledge and apologize, you may see your intentionality being valued. The more empathy and honesty you offer, the more you can learn from one another.
At the end of the day, signs a date went well simply rely on the potential for another date to follow, so long as both parties are interested in pursuing the relationship further. If you’re open to communication and still feel like you have enough in common, you can put in work to salvage a poor first date.
Some dates are a disaster from the start. The memory of my Worst Date Ever included: my date making inappropriate sex jokes with me while simultaneously flirting with the waitress; using foul language to discuss his most recent ex-girlfriend; leaving his phone on the table and checking it constantly; letting the bill linger awkwardly on the table until I offered to split the tab (even though he had three drinks to my one) and then asking me if I wanted to see him again. Umm, really? I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
The best thing you can do when a date bombs is to shake it off and move on. You don’t even need to stay on your date any longer than would be respectful. You’re both there to find a match and if this isn’t one, then cut your losses sooner rather than later… in a polite way. Everyone has bad dates, so don’t let it get you down or affect your future first dates.
