Online Dating Conversation Starters: What To Write In Your First Message

After viewing each other’s profiles repeatedly, adding them to your favorites and even sending flirts, one of you is going to have to make a move and send the first email. It’s the only way to find out if there is true interest and set up a potential meet-up. Unfortunately, it’s also the place where many people get stuck: “What do I write??”

The short answer is to keep it simple, but I know that’s not much help. So, follow these four tips to compose a message that will have all the elements you need to feel confident before hitting send.

1. Introduce Yourself

This first email should be casual, not formal. “Hey there, this is Tamar. I hope you’re having a nice Tuesday!” would suffice. Just “Hi, Hello, Hey” … don’t overthink it. Whichever you normally use in a text or email conversation with a friend is the way you should open this type of correspondence as well. Add your name whether or not you did so in your JDate profile because everyone needs a reminder. Then, end the sentence with a sweet sentiment (having a good day, enjoying the nice weather or staying dry and warm, good week at work, etc.).

2. Say Why You’re Taking The Time To Email

This is your opportunity to let the other person know why they caught your eye. What was it about their photo and profile that attracted you to them? “Aside from the fact that I think your eyes are beautiful, I am really intrigued about all of the things we have in common, like hiking the Grand Canyon and our mutual love for Coldplay (I’ve seen them live eight times!).” Don’t just say that you think they’re cute and that you both enjoy traveling; be more specific to prove that you’re paying attention. What facial feature were you most drawn to? What hobbies did they go into detail about that you also partake in?

3. Start A Conversation

Here’s where you draw the person in with some get-to-know-you questions. Expand upon the commonalities you identified in #2 or something else from their profile by asking a question. “What other hiking trips do you have planned?” or “Are you planning on going to Coachella?” You can also go off-topic, such as “I saw you went on an organized trip to Israel, would you recommend it?” Don’t pummel them with questions but one or two is a good way to engage them; otherwise, you haven’t given them a reason to actually respond to your email.

4. Leave It Open-Ended

Finish up the email by expressing that you’re looking forward to getting to know them better, approach the idea of meeting up, wish them well and then sign-off. “I’m looking forward to hearing back from you and getting to know each other better. If you’re interested in meeting up there are some cool, new restaurants in the area. Let me know your schedule for the next week. I hope you have a great rest of your day. -Tamar.” This allows them the chance to respond, and it’s active without being aggressive.

So here is what the email would look like when it’s all put together:

Hey there, this is Tamar. I hope you’re having a nice Tuesday!

Aside from the fact that I think your eyes are beautiful, I am really intrigued about all of the things we have in common, like hiking the Grand Canyon at sunrise and our mutual love for Coldplay (I’ve seen them live eight times!). What other hiking trips do you have planned? Are you going to Coachella? I have my tickets but may sell them, I’m not sure yet.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to hearing back from you and getting to know each other better. If you’re interested in meeting up there are some cool, new restaurants in the area. Let me know your schedule for the next week.

I hope you have a great rest of your day.

-Tamar

This email is simple, shows you truly read their profile, points out your commonalities and opens the door for a date. It’s written in a casual tone, is engaging and doesn’t put on any pressure. It is also clearly not a copy-and-paste type of email. As long as you change all the details, you can reuse the format without the recipient feeling like you sent the same email to everyone who showed up on their search results list.

Check out my follow-up post for tips on responding to a JDate email!

You may also be interested in Dear Tamar: Should I Send A Follow-Up Email?

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