There is certainly a stereotype surrounding Jewish mothers. While, of course, this stereotype is not always true, sometimes it does hold up, especially when it comes to Jewish mothers and their sons. For many Jewish women, it can seem like their significant other’s mom has not gotten the memo that their son is an adult and no longer attached by the umbilical cord.
So, why is it that some mothers don’t want to see their son growing up, loving another woman, and not needing them anymore for every decision they make?
The Unique Relationship Between a Jewish Mother and Son
Jewish mothers aren’t exclusive when it comes to over-caring for their sons, but part of this occurrence depends on the son’s ability to mature, thanks to the advice and teachings of his parents. And if you’re wondering how to date a momma’s boy, you’ll have to consider his familial relationship first, particularly looking at his bond with his mother. He may, on occasion, get dating tips from his Jewish mother.
Cultural Context
When analyzing historical traditions, it’s clear to see how Jewish family relationships shape their children’s upbringing. With religious context dating back to the origins of Judaism, the bond between a mom and her son has remained foundational in the faith, education, and practical life guidance for her offspring. Because mothers were solely tasked with raising children and maintaining the household back then, the Jewish lifestyle was learned growing up in the home.
Value in Nurturing
It’s not difficult to understand why most mothers cherish every second with their kids because they seemingly grow up faster than you could ever imagine. However, intentionality is a strong focus in Judaism, so Jewish moms inherently feel the responsibility to ensure their child’s knowledge base is prepared for whatever life throws at them. Whether it be the importance of their spirituality, professional ambitions, or who they associate with in social circles, mothers of Jewish sons tend to be both purposeful and protective in order to point them toward the best future possible.
Expectations of Son
The reciprocal responsibility of a Jewish son is to be obedient, and while that is understandably tough in their formative years, once children reach adolescence, sometimes heightened parenting techniques are necessary. It’s the duty of the son to not only absorb the beliefs and values of his parents but also evaluate their validity in relation to daily life.
Jewish mothers often teach acceptance, compassion, and empathy as core principles, hoping to instill respect into their sons that translate from religious to everyday formats. To help them create their own sense of identity, moms will positively reinforce or constructively criticize their sons along the way in order to teach them right from wrong. It’s the son’s job to take these life lessons and apply them daily, doing so knowing his family’s name and faith are at the forefront of his motivations.
Faithful Education
In Judaism, you can’t begin talking about cultural traditions and practices until you understand the ins and outs of the faith itself. The importance of Jewish family relationships, how family structure and expectations are formed, and their effect on the surrounding community all rely on the deep-rooted beliefs of Jews and their strict commitment to the Torah.
These practices call for attending synagogue, praying regularly, and adhering to religious holidays, all of which are first taught in the home. Once a mother reinforces this deep connection in the lifestyle at home, Jewish sons begin to understand the gravity of their family’s role in being devoted to their faith.
Influence on Traditions and Values
When it comes to crafting the identity of a Jewish family, no one in the household is more influential than the mother, especially in modern times. Since Jewish women are active participants in the workforce, they not only balance their professional and familial lives but are also charged with keeping the faith practices at home in order. Think about a Barmitzvah, Hanukkah, or even weekly Shabbat dinners; who is arranging the plans? Many times, it’s mom.
Most of the traditions in the home begin with family unity and a desire to practice customs and rituals together, regardless of the branch of Judaism you come from. This also calls for doing so under an ethical and moral framework, as instructed by the scriptures. The more you’re able to dive in and connect over these teachings, the stronger the sense of pride everyone in the household will feel. A mother’s direction can not only inspire appreciation for Hebrew culture but also develop traits such as benevolence and integrity in their sons at a young age.
Moving On … Without Mom
The old saying goes like this: “A daughter is a daughter for life; a son is a son until he takes a wife.” While many moms may have resigned themselves to this possibility, it seems like some Jewish moms just aren’t prepared (or willing) to accept it.
I think what it might come down to is that when you, as a mother, have a daughter, that daughter will always be your girl. Even when she starts dating, gets married, and has kids of her own, the mother-daughter bond is typically a special one that spans a lifetime. However, when your son starts dating, then eventually gets engaged and married, he has to put his significant other in the #1 spot in his life. His mom might no longer be his priority, and this can be hard for a mother to accept.
Once the mother starts to see this happening, it can be a major adjustment in her life, especially if she was used to her son calling her daily or whenever he was about to make any decision. Now, this boy calls his girlfriend/fiancée/wife for help instead of his mom. She might start to wonder where the heck did the time go and how did her son grow up so fast. She might start to feel unneeded, which is a difficult thing to accept.
Time To Grow Up
This situation can go both ways, too. Jewish sons often seem a little more attached to Mom than some other guys out there. If they’ve had the kind of Jewish mother who likes to dote on them and have a hand in all their decisions, your guy might need that gentle nudge to be a bit more independent. Relying on Mom for everything isn’t the adult thing to do, and the last thing you want is to simply slide into the role of caretaker rather than girlfriend or wife.
Look for a guy who’s grown up enough to handle things on his own, or who at least wants to cut some of those overly dependent ties. Remind him that his mom did a great job raising him, and that’s why he’s capable of taking care of things without her constant input.
Balancing Independence and Support
Once a Jewish boy evolves into a Jewish man and is called into adulthood, they will likely be yearning for independence, perhaps to the dismay of his mother. However, while she may not be ready to part ways yet, she need not fear because it’s undeniable that her son will consult her for any number of reasons in the future. Many times, this begins while they still live at home, but once Jewish sons officially move out, they’ll need to learn the balance associated with leaning on their mom for support.
Personal Autonomy
Everyone strives for their own personal independence, but that looks different when considering a Jewish upbringing versus, say, career ambitions. An overbearing parent can be detrimental to the growth of their child, so Jewish sons must form their own aspirations and interests in order to carve their own path for the future. The more a mother is there to aid and assist their son in achieving their goals rather than deciding them for him, the more valuable life experience he’ll attain, and this is invaluable when navigating the ever-changing world as a Jew.
Motivational Encouragement
While some moms will baby their sons and others will practice forms of tough love, there’s no point in time in which a devoted Jewish mother will abandon her offspring when a situation calls for advice or encouragement. We all know mothers are our number one supporters, so whether a son desires to meet up for lunch or hop on the phone to discuss a scenario, you can rest assured she will be there for him in situations where a friend or significant other is unable to help.
Emotional Support
Even though a young Jewish man may think he can take on anything on his own, there’s never shame in reaching out to mom for emotional support. As the one who raised him, a mother knows her son’s behaviors and tendencies best, whether he realizes it or not. In times of distress, when looking for comfort or for spiritual and practical guidance, sons will realize that their mother is always there to help them through any difficult or transitionary situation. This bedrock of the Jewish faith helps parents empower future generations by reinvigorating pride in their identity, which they should revel in and use to motivate themselves.
Reciprocation for Parents
It goes without saying that a Jewish son should be grateful to his parents, particularly his mother, for all that she’s done. From raising him in a faithful Jewish household and teaching him moral and traditional values that transcend time, to encouraging and guiding him through the first challenges of adulthood, it’s important to pay those respects back, even if it’s simply through spoken gratitudes.
We all bear witness to the sacrifices parents make for their children, and Jewish mothers are some of the most unrelenting supporters of their kids through thick and thin. Paying homage and respect to this work is not enough, so showing appreciation for their efforts through affirmations and other forms of acknowledgment helps solidify the bond between mother and son, building an unwavering connection that has been built through love and trust over time.
Celebrating the Special Bond
Once a son grows older, he really starts to appreciate the influence his mother and father have had on him, and in subsequent years of independence, that gratitude will turn back towards them. A Jewish son who is not only proud of his cultural upbringing but marinated in his spiritual and traditional values proves to be a prime candidate for an eligible Jewish woman, and the more respect a man shows to his mother, the more likely he is to become a faithful husband.
Traditional Bonding
Many of the ways a son communicates with his mom will not change once he’s older and on his own. The old adage still reigns true — call your mother often to check on her, but also don’t forget you can confide in her. Oftentimes, the easiest person for a Jewish man to talk to regarding any situation is his own mother, so maintaining regular conversations, visits, or trips back home not only retains the bond he originally formed while growing up but continues to strengthen as trials and tribulations become more complex and important to future endeavors.
Rejoice in Milestones
Mothers are present for nearly every significant milestone their children will achieve, from the first steps to monumental birthdays, graduations, and everything in between. Because a mother witnesses these achievements first-hand, a Jewish son will usually celebrate and thank her before anyone else due to her undying commitment and support along the way.
Barmitzvahs are a huge deal in the coming-of-age process for young Jewish men because this celebrates their promotion into maturity, which is then set to be assessed by a potential companion. Once a Jewish mother is able to set her son up for success when searching for a bride, she’ll feel her job is done as the main woman in his life and leave it up to him to orchestrate the formation of his own family with the same foundational Jewish values and traditions she instilled in him.
Showing Gratitude
There are no limits to the praise and appreciation a Jewish son can give his mother, and regardless of what that may look like, you can bet it will go a long way in validating her parenting methods. Whether you give back by helping whenever you are able and around or shower her with affection and gifts on special occasions like Mother’s Day or her birthday, a son is expected to continue helping and thanking his mom for all she has done for him throughout his life. And you can be sure that these motherly duties will persist as long as she’s on this Earth, so understanding and cherishing this relationship is paramount.
Cherishing a Lifetime of Love
From the time a Jewish mother raises her son throughout his journey toward independence, his mom will likely be the one championing his success and coming to the rescue when he feels down. For this, they should feel eternally grateful, but it should also motivate a son to give back to his mother in a variety of ways. The easiest is to proclaim his love for her and prove that this everlasting bond is one that’s as important to him as it will always be to her.
The ups and downs that take place over the course of a young Jewish man’s life are taken into account by his mother each step of the way, and in times of growth or in times of need, the reliance he may have on his mom’s advice and support could seem strange at first. However, when you factor in the role of a Jewish mother in her son’s upbringing, you’ll find that his entire conception of the Jewish lifestyle and family identity began with her.
Instead of wondering why a man has such an enduring bond with his mother, you should first inquire about his cultural background and traditional customs. In Jewish family relationships, the connection between a mother and her son is unflappable because of his continued reliance on her throughout his progression through youth and into autonomy. This will no longer leave you wondering how to date a momma’s boy but rather allow you to envy and appreciate what makes this relationship so strong. This way, you’ll be able to compliment a possible partner’s expectations in relation to the way he was raised.
Boundaries
While it can be rough, at first, for the mom to accept and understand her new role in her son’s life, it’s also important for her to respect boundaries. If you’re dating, engaged to or married to a former momma’s boy, it might take a little compromise to find that balance you need. While you might be the new #1 woman in his life, he still needs to make time for his mom and make sure she knows just how much he cherishes her.
Moms are the best, and they’ll always be a special part of a son’s life, but just in a slightly different way. And as long as the son breaks the cord and lives as the adult he is, it shouldn’t be a problem in your relationship. At the end of the day, respect is of utmost importance in this situation. While mothers should always respect their son’s wishes and their son’s significant other, you, as the significant other, must always respect his mom, too.
You may also be interested in 5 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Ready To Meet Your Jewish Mother
