Online dating involves a lot of trial and error. It’s learning what to ask, what to say, how soon to meet, where to meet … yeah, it’s an art. Don’t let anyone who met his or her partner the old-fashioned way tell you any different!
However, it’s not rocket science either. Truly, just being yourself is what counts because the right person will love all the distinct parts of you, even the weird or not so-great ones! One online dating mistake is not the end of the world. We have all been there and done that. The point of mistakes is to learn from them and grow. Take that mistake and move forward in a positive direction.
Let’s consider some of the most common online dating mistakes:
- Revealing too much baggage up front
- Having a negative profile that screams drama
- Coming off too cold on a date
- Coming on too strong
- Canceling too often
- Pushing for the second date too aggressively
- Being too touchy-feely on a first date
- Speaking negatively about an ex
- Bringing up touchy topics too quickly
I know it seems like a lot, but you truly can bounce back from any of these little slip-ups when you use the following tips.
Accept It
We all make mistakes. Accept that you didn’t make the right choice, but that it’s okay. There are plenty of fish in this sea. That one date isn’t the late date you’ll go on, I promise you that! Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just accept that it happened, and keep chugging on.
Evaluate
What good is a mistake if you can’t learn from it? Try to understand why you did what you did.
For example, if you revealed too much baggage up front, were you just nervous? Are you not quite ready to date and still haven’t gotten over your issues? Did you feel as if you needed to tell the person?
Many online dating mistakes spring from three main reasons:
- Nerves
- Issues that you personally need to resolve
- Miscommunication from the other party
Try to garner the lesson from this mistake so you don’t repeat it!
Adjusting Your Approach
Once you’ve acknowledged you made a mistake and owned up to it, apologized, or made peace with the situation, the only next step you’ll have is to show humility and wait patiently for your next opportunity. Here are a few different ways you can apply yourself after any online dating mistakes and make the changes necessary to be more successful in future endeavors.
Learning From Mistakes
No one is immune from making mistakes, but we all owe it to ourselves to learn from them as quickly as possible. However, not every mistake is created equal. There are certain levels of errors you can make, and understanding the reasoning behind them can be especially helpful as you go forward.
Small mistakes are often common behavioral flaws, such as interrupting or over-complimenting the other person. These are momentary and can be corrected easily. Moderate mistakes come later and usually involve situational misunderstandings and general outlook differences, which can be worked at over time. Huge mistakes include forgetting birthdays, repeated inappropriate actions, or a generally unserious approach to a relationship overall. These can be irreconcilable.
The major takeaway from any of these incidents is that before diving into any relationship, you have to know yourself before trying to learn about someone else. Being more conscious of your actions and behavior while also making sure to show respect for the other person will always be the proactive way to rebound.
Proactively Curbing Bad Habits
Once you know what you did wrong on a previous occasion, the best thing you can do is work to identify these bad habits and catch them in the moment. Not only will this change your recurring behavior and help you form a more courteous demeanor as you continue your dating journey, but it will also show prospective partners that you genuinely care for them in a sincere way.
This can be easier said than done, though, and it will undoubtedly require intentionality and hard work. Some of the key ways to approach this are giving yourself a pep talk to remind yourself of the tendencies you’ll hope to avoid and even remaining focused throughout your dates or interactions in order to make sure you’re being respectful and taking the other person’s emotions into account.
For instance, imagine that your date is rather displeased with your inability to ever arrive on time. While you may have previously said that you lead a busy life and that time is precious, so is that of your partner. Because dating is a serious investment for many people, it’s unfair to assume the time they’ve dedicated is any less valuable than yours. Understanding their frustrations, choosing to respond in earnest, and making adjustments to always leave yourself extra time in between dates and other activities will show that your efforts are pure.
Showing Patience and Compassion
As you navigate through difficult times or unconventional circumstances, the ability to proceed thoughtfully in a relationship becomes of utmost importance. Not only can it become your approach to every situation, but it will also help you evaluate the true compatibility that you have with your date. You always want to give people time and space in the opening stages of a relationship, which also includes being willing to move at a mutual pace.
You also want to refrain from making things about yourself, and, instead, show curiosity in the other person in a way that makes them feel acknowledged and heard. The more you give someone time to open up and reveal their true colors, the more you’ll be able to determine whether or not you have organic chemistry in the first place. Occasionally, simple disconnects over beliefs and ideals can present issues that you mutually decide are just too glaring, and that’s totally fine. You will both live and learn.
Maintaining a Positive Mindset
Although going through an unfortunate incident can put a damper on your dating outlook, one of the most important things that you must always remember is to keep a positive mindset. While this may seem hard to do in the immediate aftermath of a regrettable moment, you don’t need to beat yourself up over it. Dating is not meant to be a venture to instant gratification — in fact, it’s often quite the opposite.
Dating requires a lot of honesty, vulnerability, and grace, but you’ll have to invoke these qualities yourself before expecting them to be the norm for everyone you meet. When you begin to see every potential connection and bonding moment as a joyful encounter, it begins to help create an optimistic feeling over the entire relationship as a whole. If you present this uplifting mindset as you continue to learn and grow throughout your dating expedition, you’ll certainly begin to be more proactive and be able to adapt to any situation that presents itself in an authentic way.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Many times, dating is about swagger, but not in the sense that you’re the best in the room. It more so pertains to the idea that you have confidence in yourself, your lifestyle, and the things you believe in. Like remaining positive, being able to exude a level of confidence that shows your significant other that you’re willing to accept criticism can help them feel understood. They may even see it as inspiring if you take their comments and concerns as a challenge, as it shows your desire to make the necessary changes for the benefit of your relationship.
When you find yourself putting these requests into action and subsequently see the reaction of the other person’s satisfaction, your confidence will only continue on an upward swing. We all aspire to see the tangible results of our efforts, and when your conscious adjustments facilitate a better status in your ongoing relationship, you’ll be proud to know that you’re doing what it takes to push the relationship further, which should always be the goal of serious couples hoping to settle down in a long-term relationship.
Consider The Timing
Now you need to take a moment to reflect. Was this a mistake born of nerves, miscommunication or poor fit between you and your date? If you said yes, get back out there, Tiger! Just dust yourself off and step up to the plate again.
If, however, you think this mistake was born from unresolved issues you’re struggling with, consider taking a temporary break from dating to address these issues.
Be Your Own Cheerleader
Okay, you’ve accepted the mistake, you understand why it happened, and you’re either ready to dive back in or take a breather. So, what’s next?
It’s time for a little cheerleading … sans the uniform and pom-poms, of course. Pick a mantra to tell yourself every day. Boost yourself up as if you’re not talking to yourself, but your best friend or a family member.
My mantra is “I deserve love now, and not later.” Pick something that you can tell yourself each day as a reminder of why you’re such an amazing catch. You must be your own cheerleader. You must believe in yourself and that love exists, otherwise, why bother? You will find the right person. The question isn’t “If?” it’s just “When?”
Keep believing.
