Have you ever wondered how to know if a kiss means something? Is it all in the fireworks? Or is it the build up? How much does chemistry count? Here, Jdate expert Tamar Caspi dissects the meaning behind that first-date kiss.
Does That Kiss Mean Something?
How many dates have you been on that ended with a kiss that made you feel fireworks that tingled all the way down to the ends of your fingers and toes? Probably not a lot but enough that it may be confusing.
How do you determine when someone is a good kisser versus an actual quality dating prospect? And if a kiss does not create that fireworks sensation, should you disregard the date altogether? Feeling butterflies in your tummy and tingles in your toes is exciting, but you shouldn’t rely solely on that feeling to figure it out. Here’s how to know if a kiss means something.
Examining the Journey of a Kiss
Even though a kiss is an extremely intimate exchange for each individual at that moment, what a kiss means in the long run will ultimately vary from person to person. Some people are extremely reserved, saving their first kiss for the right romantic opportunity, while others aren’t shy to get it out of the way early as a means of evaluating chemistry.
Patiently Establishing a Connection
Before leading up to a first kiss, you’ll have to develop a certain level of comfort and mutual understanding with your partner. This requires being willing to learn about their individual preferences and expectations. For Jewish singles, this is especially important because those coming from different backgrounds and traditions may interpret levels of intimacy differently. It’s always crucial to respect the boundaries and requests of your date, as rushing their timeline could negatively impact your relationship.
Developing Feelings on Initial Dates
Once you and a partner have begun dating and are interested in getting to know each other further, you may begin getting together in more private settings in which there are fewer distractions. This will allow you to be yourselves and have more genuine interactions that provide insight into your true character and chemistry as a couple. Once you both clearly outline your future goals and heart’s desires, you may find your attraction to the other person beginning to grow, especially if your aspirations for a relationship align.
Embracing the Moment
Eventually, as you and your significant other continue to build a deeper connection over the course of your time together, there will come a point in which you will find yourselves eager to leap into the next stage of your relationship. Whether it’s an intimate moment on your couch after a home-cooked meal or an occasion under the stars during a nighttime walk, a circumstance that you both want to take advantage of will eventually present itself. This highly-anticipated embrace can provide a meaningful blueprint for the oncoming phase of your dating endeavor.
How a Kiss Reflects Relationship Dynamics
If you’re contemplating “what does a kiss mean?” in the grand scheme of your relationship, the first thing you can be sure of is that trust and a connection have been established. After all, you probably wouldn’t have even reached the point of a kiss without a shared attraction to one another. From here, you can examine how this blissful exchange can serve as a stepping stone to a more serious portion of your relationship.
First kisses produce “butterflies,” but these fleeting feelings don’t necessarily disappear in your honeymoon stage. You may still have awkward exchanges and be learning how to grow accustomed to routine kissing, especially before becoming comfortable with public displays of affection. Once locking lips turns into a habitual thing, the action tends to signify certain moments of companionship, ranging from greetings to support and general intimacy.
As you navigate the course of your relationship, the meaning and value of a kiss should not diminish. However, it may take on many different forms. As you spend more time together, you’ll learn when and where your partner feels a kiss is appropriate, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed any spontaneity. Tender kisses in passing can be a great way to show your daily devotion to one another, and more passionate embraces reserved for privacy go on to emphasize your closeness on your own accord.
It’s worth noting that kissing and not kissing are both forms of non-verbal communication, and many times, the reality of this situation is a strong indicator of how your relationship is going. If your advancements are constantly being reciprocated and you’re being admired for your thoughtfulness, you can assume you’re mutually on good terms and have nothing to worry about. On the other hand, if you find yourself being stiffed or told that you’re overzealous, you may want to spend some time analyzing the conditions of your circumstance overall.
How a Kiss Strengthens the Bond in Relationships
While it may seem like kissing is now as common an occurrence as any in a relationship, you can’t really overstate its significance to the individuals in question. It may no longer be taboo to kiss openly and frequently during the length of an ongoing relationship, but its underlying meaning will continue to have significance explicitly relative to the couple at hand.
The reason that building trust is so prominently associated with kissing is that it requires vulnerability from both parties. Once that moment of intimacy translates into emotional bonding and physical affection, a new capacity to care and love for your partner becomes available. Subsequently, the act of kissing will become an emotional requirement and response, while the physical intentions offer a satisfaction that’s unattainable in any other fashion.
Kissing can also play an extremely pivotal role in the trials and tribulations that any couple may face, whether it’s an individual instance or something you’re going through together. In times of distress, this action can provide both solace and reassurance, allowing your partner to know that you’re there for them during whatever hardship or tough time they’re going through.
It also serves as a positive reinforcement, as well as a celebratory gesture in a way that compliments, encourages, or congratulates the other person for something that’s going well in life. And if you think there needs to be a particular accomplishment or reason behind it, think again. Casual kisses on a regular basis, in instances large and small, can make a great deal of difference in a relationship, reminding each individual just how much the other cares for them, even in the midst of a hectic lifestyle or time apart. The more kissing is associated with positives rather than conflict resolution, the more likely you are to be participating in a healthy partnership.
When The First Kiss Flatlines
A first date is coming to a natural end, and there has been constant conversation where you found similarities and laughed quite a bit. You both seemed to enjoy yourselves and, although you don’t always give or accept a kiss on a first date, you want to this time. So when your date goes in for the goodnight smooch and you don’t feel anything, it’s a huge letdown. But don’t give up.
Sparks can show you how to know if a kiss means something, but they are not the only indicator. First dates are nerve-wracking enough without measuring the success of a date based on one short kiss. If you had a great date, then give the kissing chemistry another chance. Allow the connection to build and often (but not always), the chemistry will follow.
A Brandeis University study has shown that arranged marriages, where a couple was placed together due to their commonalities, were more successful than those that began based on lust. As trust builds between a couple, you can learn what pleases your partner.
Feeling First Kiss Fireworks
So what about those dates that were good enough to warrant a kiss at the end of the night and it’s the fireworks the kiss created that are truly out of this world? That feeling is exhilarating and can help propel a prospect from average to extraordinary.
The concern here is to make sure that you take the time to get to know your date so the connection matches the chemistry. It’s easy to spend a subsequent date making out because it feels so damn good, but how much have you really gotten to know the person at this point, aside from knowing what kind of gum they chew? The chemistry will eventually fizzle out if there’s nothing there to support it long-term.
Trust Your Intuition And Not Just The Kiss
In both scenarios, figuring out how to know if a kiss means something is all about trusting your intuition over time. If the connection is there but the first date didn’t give you the tingly sensation you were hoping for, don’t give up.
And if a kiss made your toes go numb but you’re not sure there’s enough there to bond over, don’t give up. Both of these scenarios are reasons to continue dating someone. It’s easy to recognize a bad date that has no connection and no chemistry, so when you have one or the other give it a chance before ruling out a prospect.
Of course, it would be naive of me not to assume that some dates end up being a means to an end with great sex and are not meant to be anything more than that. And that’s okay. Not every first date has to turn into marriage, or even a second date for that matter. Sometimes it just is what it is – just be sure to protect your heart in the process and be clear with your intentions.
You may also be interested in 11 Body Language Cues – What They Really Mean
